


treacherous

by rayoel (kwilde)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, first time writing smut hella, juggey is the ray narvaez jr defense team in this one, the explicit parts are skippable if you're uncomfortable with them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-01-27 22:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwilde/pseuds/rayoel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray was young, with no interest to settle down, knowing better with his many failed relationships with girls that he didn’t know what he was looking for yet. Joel had long given up on the idea that he would find someone that he could be in a relationship with and commit to.</p><p>All they needed was someone to sleep with, right?</p><p>Friends with benefits AU inspired by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0-STBTIeEo">this song</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don’t touch_

The thing about alcohol was that it made Ray lose control of his senses and his awareness of his surroundings, and he hated that. He liked knowing what was happening at any time, thank you very much. He certainly was not going to allow himself to be so intoxicated to the point where he would find himself being dragged away by some stranger or to find himself making out with someone whose name he would not remember in the morning. Ray wasn’t one to succumb so easily to peer pressure.

It didn’t explain why Ray was here at a club on a Friday night, when his usual routine was to go straight home, turn on his Xbox, and play till his eyes hurt so bad that the next day he wouldn’t even try to wake up before 1pm. Michael and Gavin had been the ones to ask him to go along with them and some of the other staff, but they weren’t the reason he decided to allow himself to endure loud music, flashing lights and flirty strangers.

Joel Heyman. Now, Joel Heyman was an explanation for this phenomenon.

When Ray had first joined Rooster Teeth, the job that was more than he could have ever asked for, he got used to calling the people that he admired from the videos he managed to watch despite shitty internet connection and poor screen resolution, his colleagues, and better yet, _friends_.

He fit in easily with the rest working under Achievement Hunter quickly, especially since Michael was there to help him ease in with the whole gang and to break the ice whenever necessary. Everyone was just really, really friendly.

To say that Ray had a crush on Joel Heyman would be a slight understatement.

Ray was a big fan of Red Vs Blue. And his favourite character? Caboose.

Ray was also slightly fascinated by the way Joel Heyman didn’t seem to age at all, adding onto the list of things he admired about Joel, which were stuff like: the way he handled himself on the podcast, spewing jokes that were funny and classic but never distasteful, and the way he managed to use his voice acting to bring across the character of Caboose so well.

When he had first been introduced to Joel on his second day of work, he barely managed to squeak out a “nice to meet you too” and  _man was it suddenly hot in here_.

Joel had squinted at him and asked for his gamer tag and vowed to beat him in a game of Halo one day.

That was the start of a weird friendship between the two, further solidified by that one AHWU where Joel messed with Ray and fondled his face in a surprise attack that left Ray unable to think for a few moments, and Ray had called him out on it in the pantry afterwards. Ray got used to being around Joel a lot more, and eventually came to consider Joel somewhat of a friend, what with their coincidental, turned routine meeting with each other in the pantry everyday just to talk to each other about their plans for the day and what crazy thing happened to them the previous night, or what shit-storm happened in the video gaming world, and the occasional rant by Joel about stocks and the economy.

The two of them settled into a fun, comfortable and sometimes even borderline _flirty_  relationship, and it was definitely more than okay for Ray.

***

“Hey.”

Joel turned to the sound of that all too familiar voice, and even though the alcohol coursing through his veins that very moment was making his vision slightly hazy and his other senses slightly more sluggish, he grinned that dopey grin of his and casually wrapped his arm around the smaller man’s shoulder.

“What’s up, party pooper?”

He caught the younger man rolling his eyes and nudging his ribs playfully, which made him giggle because maybe (just maybe) he was ticklish in his sides. Ray knew the joke Joel had on the tip of his tongue; the younger man hung around Joel more than enough to know what was coming anyway. Joel blinked owlishly at the red canned soft drink that was suddenly waved in front of his face, squinting as he turned his head to look down at the man, trying hard to focus on the warm brown eyes that were looking right back into his own.

“I  _am_  drinking something!”

Now it was Joel’s turn to roll his eyes. He knew better than to rebut with something of the likes of him trying to get Ray to drink alcohol, because  _he_ hung around Ray well enough to know that the younger man was quite stubborn about a lot of things, and his abstinence towards alcohol was one of them.

So instead Joel redirected his attention to the lighted up space in front of him, going on a rant about how young people danced in clubs, joking about how he was an “old man” and how Ray was a “young ‘un” and Ray laughed and teased him back.

Joel and Ray clicked surprisingly well, what with their individually quirky way of looking at things, their enthusiasm for what they both did and did well in, and even the fact that they were both Virgos. Despite their age difference, Joel never felt  _old_  in Ray’s presence, given by the fact that they were comfortable enough to joke about it.

Joel chugged down whatever was left in his glass and when Matt of all people came over and gave Joel that  _knowing_  look in his eyes, he became suddenly aware of how snug Ray was under his arms, almost as if Ray had purposefully pressed himself closer to the older man.

 _Nah, it definitely isn’t that_ , Joel convinced himself quickly in his mind,  _I’m pretty sure he’s sober right now_.

He began a conversation with Matt, barely noticing as Ray managed to somehow quietly wiggle his way out of the hold and join Michael, Lindsay and Gavin as they attempted to emulate a dance sequence from a music video. He only noticed the younger man’s absence from his side when he turned, mouth open slightly as if to ask Ray about his opinion on the topic but realizing he wasn’t there, only to have his gaze redirected to the dance floor where a whooping Gavin was drawing everyone’s attention to Ray and Lindsay attempting some kind of dance-off.

He gave a lopsided smile as he watched the Puerto Rican dance uncoordinated as compared to Lindsay, but still looking like he was having the time of his life, and the way Ray grinned like he didn’t give an actual fuck at all made him grin wider, because if there was one thing Joel appreciated about Ray, it was the way Ray had the most carefree attitude out of all of his friends. His name really suited him.

“Joel? Jooooooel,” Matt said in an exasperated tone, snapping his fingers in front of Joel’s face, breaking Joel out of his trance.

“Huh? What?”

Matt merely scoffed in response, shaking his head before giving Joel that all-knowing smirk of his again, before turning and leaving. Joel was too inebriated to bother with calling him back or figuring what that look on Matt’s face was for anyway. He turned to the bartender to order another glass, slipping the money across the counter, before turning back and finding himself face to face with Ray again.

The younger man stumbled a little bit, as if not expecting the sudden closeness.  “Damn, you turned around too quickly. I wanted to scare you and everything.”

Joel merely laughed, taking a large sip of his drink, his hand unconsciously finding its way to mush Ray’s face, exactly like he did in that infamous AHWU a while ago. As the strobe lights flickered across the room, and shone over Ray’s face at intervals, he could see the younger man’s face getting redder and redder and it was encouraging, to say the least.

“Are you coming onto me, Heyman?” He heard the bespectacled gamer say quietly, breaking the silence. He had a nervous edge to his voice, which made Joel confused. Joel laughed, and it seemed to ease some of the suddenly tense air between them when Ray reciprocated with a small giggle. It was probably the alcohol speaking on his behalf, but Joel found the next few words that slipped out of his mouth to have come out quite easily.

“And so what if I am?”

The air was tense once again, and he could feel Ray leaning closer towards him. He turned his head to look Ray in the eyes and could read the apprehension and hesitation with each blink of Ray’s eyes. Joel could barely remember that he was in a bar, let alone that there were RT staff members around that could see them in such an intimate position. As the seconds ticked by with Ray still not saying anything in reply, Joel wondered if he should quickly retract his statement or deliver some kind of punch line, his drunk little brain cells trying to piece together some sort of saving grace to the situation.

But before he could say anything, he saw the younger man’s lips move, his voice so soft that Joel almost thought he had imagined it.

“Then let’s get out of here.”

***

Ray didn’t exactly have time to think through the whole situation.

One moment he was exchanging teasing words with Joel Heyman, enjoying the way Joel’s eyes lingered on him while he was out on the dance floor, and the next moment, he found himself with the same Joel Heyman, except the older man had his mouth to Ray’s neck instead of to a glass.

Ray let out an involuntary moan as he was pushed back gently, his head meeting the door behind him with a soft thud as Joel gripped his hips tightly against the wooden surface. Ray’s hands wandered up Joel’s sides, relishing in the shivers than he could feel run under his fingertips, and settled in the older man’s hair, tugging lightly. The older man groaned as he continued to suck on Ray’s collarbone, Ray’s eyes fluttering shut at the sensation and heat that seemed to be coursing through his body from that contact. He let out a small gasp as Joel began to nip at the skin instead.

The gamer could feel the other man smirk against his skin as the hands that held his hips moved to push his polo tee up instead, Ray letting go of Joel’s hair instantly to ease the process. There was some manoeuvring in the dark and bumping against furniture (which led to some giggling on Ray’s part and a highly embarrassed Joel) until they found themselves by Joel’s bed, the back of Ray’s knees bumping into the edge of the mattress.

Both of them worked to catch their breaths from the activity and sexual tension between that made the air seem that much thicker. Ray had one hand on Joel’s shoulder, and one hand tracing along Joel’s sides. Looking up at Joel through a heavy lidded gaze and biting his lip, he drew slow circles on the older man’s hip, before moving the hand down to the man’s crotch and palming Joel through his jeans.

Ray didn’t know when he managed to become so bold, but it must have been the way Joel reacted, with an almost desperate moan.

The only conscious and not lust driven part of his brain reminded him that he was the only sober one, which made him hesitate and prompted him to ask if Joel was okay with what was going on.

“Fuck  _yes_  I am okay with it, get on with it.” was the gritted reply.

That was more than enough to shut up that rational part of Ray’s brain.

Ray worked on getting out of his stupid cargo shorts, while Joel watched him for a bit, breathing heavily like he wanted to help him do it instead, but eventually snapping out of it when Ray managed to completely remove his shorts, and started to pull off his shirt. Ray hooked the fingers of one of his hands into a belt loop of Joel’s jeans, tugging at it impatiently, while the other hand worked on unhooking the belt and unzipping the offending piece of material that stood between a thinner layer of clothing between the two.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Joel gasped out as he watched the way Ray’s fingers moved deftly along to remove his clothing.

The corners of Ray’s mouth quirked up into a small smile, looking up at Joel through his eyelashes as he pulled down the jeans together with Joel’s boxers in one smooth motion, going down on his knees and nuzzling Joel’s cock which was standing at attention in front of him.

He tilted his head up, enjoying the way that Joel bit down on his bottom lip and groaned, before a pair of hands found their way to tug at Ray’s hair, nudging him forwards.

Ray used his hands to wrap around the base of Joel’s cock and wrapped his lips around the member, using his tongue to swirl slowly around it. He hummed and took in the member deeper, closing his eyes as he focused on pleasuring the older man.

He couldn’t remember when was the last time he engaged in any type of sexual activity, and he had never even attempted it with a man, but the physical attraction to Joel was definitely strong enough to make him sway and chase away any sort of hesitation in his head. Ray took more of Joel’s member between his lips, focusing on relaxing his throat, one of his own hands moving away from Joel’s penis to take care of his own erection, as he slowly stroked it. The sensation was amazing, and he moaned loudly, opening his eyes to look up at Joel through his lashes.

Joel’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Ray’s moans and his eyes trailed down Ray’s arm, till his line of vision reached the hand that was wrapped around Ray’s cock. There was a repressed groan on his end, before he stepped backwards, penis moving out of Ray’s mouth with a ‘pop’, pulling Ray’s arm to force him to stand up, and pushing the younger man easily onto the bed.

Ray gasped out as his back hit the soft and comfortable sheets. With shaky fingers, he removed his spectacles from his face, his nimble fingers dancing along Joel’s back, drawing him closer. His eyes fluttered shut again when Joel’s mouth found his neck again and began peppering kisses down his neck, collarbone and down his chest. He heard Joel fumble with the bedside drawer, smirking against his skin as he pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube.

Joel sat up, straddling Ray’s waist as he worked to put on the condom and apply lube generously to his erect member. Ray whined from the loss of contact and began to thrust his hips up impatiently, creating friction between Joel’s ass and his own penis, hoping to relieve some of the throbbing. He made another high pitched whining noise when Joel shifted backwards and pinned Ray’s hips down once he was done preparing.

***

If you had told Joel just a mere 3 hours ago that he would find himself in his bed, with a gasping and moaning cute 20-something year old beneath him, actually eagerly asking for a fuck, Joel would have laughed at you and then offered you a beer.

Joel looked down Ray’s body, relishing in the sight of Ray’s bare body covered with a sheen of sweat, chest rising and falling in a rhythmic movement, with a hard member pressing against his ass. He could have fist-pumped in triumph if he were less lust-driven and more drunk than his usual state.

He knew that the both of them were close, and his own keening made him want to rush to the finale without the rehearsal, so with Ray’s shaky “okay”, he lined up his penis at Ray’s entrance and began to thrust in, holding the position so that Ray could adjust, and  _oh my god, was the Puerto Rican so tight_.

He looked up to watch Ray’s face as it scrunched up in pain, and he started to rub circles on Ray’s hips in a hopefully comforting manner, the younger man’s back arching towards the touch. He didn’t even know if Ray even had sex with guys before, with the way Ray joked about him liking girls and wanting to have sex with women in his Lets Plays. He suddenly felt a little bit nervous about the possible fact that this would be Ray’s first experience with a man, and god, he wanted to make it worthwhile for the younger man.

“Damn it, Joel, _move_.”

Joel complied, starting to slowly thrust in and out of the younger male, the moans and grunts he received making him thrust faster and wilder, his eyes focused on the debauched look on Ray’s face and his lips pouting to let out some noises of his own. Ray’s hands gripped on the bed sheets so tightly that his knuckles were turning white, his back arching ever so often with each thrust. It was beautiful, and Joel secretly hoped that even by the morning, he would not forget this image of Ray coming apart under him.

Ray came first, with a startled cry of Joel’s name, which Joel wished he could record and play on repeat during the particularly lonely nights, and Joel came a few hard thrusts after, collapsing on the younger male. They laid in that position for a while, catching their breaths and waiting for their heartbeats to slow down to a regular  _thump, thump,_  before Joel finally pulled out and removed the condom, moving next to Ray, his body turned towards the younger male, who still had his eyes closed.

Joel allowed his own hand to caress Ray’s face, goosebumps forming on his arm when Ray began to stir, eyelids opening and peeking under his lashes to look directly into the older man’s eyes. Joel was so close to Ray he could see the light from the streetlights outside his window swimming in the brown eyes that were looking at him sleepily.

“So, exactly  _how_ drunk were you?” the gamer asked quietly, breaking the silence, with a smirk on his face.

Joel laughed, turning his body such that he was facing the ceiling instead.

“Well, you know me.”

“That I do.”

Silence again, before Ray spoke up again. “Do you think you’ll remember all of this in the morning?”

Joel pulled the covers up to his neck, moving closer to Ray, muttering something about sharing body warmth because it was cold, making sure that the both were settled comfortably.

“I hope so.” There was a teasing edge to his voice, but a little voice in his head told him otherwise. “You know you’re going to really feel it in the morning right?

“Yeah, I’m kind of feeling it now,” the younger man replied with a groan, which was quickly replaced by a small giggle. “You’re such a douchebag.”

“Goodnight, Ray.”

“Night, Joel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr [over here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/87400790291/treacherous-01-09).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And I’ll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands_

Joel wasn’t too shocked that it was Ray of all people that he found in his bed when he woke up the next day.

Joel woke up that Saturday afternoon with his hands wrapped around Ray, his face buried in dark hair, and had to pull away because of the intimacy of their position. Wearily, his hands groped around for his alarm to stop its incessant buzzing, before he realized it was on the dresser by Ray’s side of the bed.  _Great._  He sat up, looking down at the younger man for a short while, eyes tracing the curves of Ray’s face, the way his jaw relaxed, the way his mouth hung open slightly and the way Ray’s thick eyelashes rested like wings upon his lower eyelid… before he reached over and silenced the alarm, withdrawing his arm to rub his own face with a groan.

Ray stirred, blinking up at Joel, muttering a “good morning” before turning to the side and nuzzling his head back into the pillow in search for more sleep.

A sly grin crept onto the older man’s face as he thought of the most wicked way to wake the gamer up from his slumber. Slowly moving the sheets down, his fingers crept across the white material before ducking under and finding Ray’s side.

He then proceeded to tickle the hell out of the younger man.

A squeal, then fumbling and rolling around, whimpered protests and a _thump_. Joel doubled over in laughter as Ray rubbed the back of his head after it had collided with the carpeted floor, his body still cocooned in the sheets, slipping just a little such that his stomach was still nicely covered.

“What an asshole.”

“Nah, where was that sweet ‘Good morning’ you wished me just 10 minutes ago?”

“My ass hurts from what happened last night, and it’s your entire fault.”

Joel faltered for a moment at that statement, his smile dropping slightly, before his brain managed to come up with a stupid quip to lighten the situation.

“Aww,  _babe_ , don’t pretend you didn’t like it,” he cooed, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

Ray stuck out his tongue, flipping him off. He got up slowly, pulling the sheets up with him and tottered to the adjoining bathroom, picking up his scattered clothes on the bedroom floor along the way. He only dropped the sheets to the floor when he got to the bathroom door, turning his head around to give Joel a saucy wink.

Joel moved to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over to the edge. He put his arms over his head in a stretch, wincing as he heard an unpleasant cracking sound. Well, at least the view was great, he thought as his eyes cast over to the open bathroom door.

_Mmm, Ray has a nice butt._

Shaking the thoughts out of his head with a cheeky grin, he dragged his feet across the room to his closet to pick out a comfortable sweatshirt and boxers combination to change into, turning around to find Ray leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, head tilted slightly, eyes grazing over unabashedly at Joel’s body. Joel gave Ray a look of mock offense, reaching out to mush the front of Ray’s face with his hand as he liked to do, and changed into his clothes.

Yup, Joel’s day was starting out pretty great.

***

“Hey, are you okay?”

As soon as he saw the older man’s face change, Ray regretted his choice of words. It was 2 hours since Ray had woken up, naked, in Joel’s bed, and in his head, he was still replaying the previous night’s events.

How did they go from flirting and innocent touches and slightly un-platonic physical contact, to lips and skin, teeth grazing over sensitive spots, loud moans and hurried thrusts?

They were having lunch now. Ray was way too lazy to walk all the way back to his apartment and Joel was too lazy to drive him home anyway. He couldn’t call Michael or Lindsay to pick him up; hell, he would never hear the end of it from them. They had been eating in contemplative silence, until Ray decided it was too prolonged for his comfort and had attempted at a conversation. But he chose the wrong thing to talk about, because if the scenes from last night were still playing in Ray’s head, it was a possible indication that the same was happening in Joel’s head.  

“What does this mean?”

The older man had placed an emphasis on “this” and it was obvious to Ray that Joel was talking about the situation they had somehow placed themselves in.

The younger man scrunched up his face, looking anywhere but right into Joel’s eyes, because he feared he might say something really stupid if he did. His mind went into an overdrive of the various outcomes of this conversation. What was the best way to reply? Was not directly answering it the way to go? Joel was 18 years older than he was. He was probably looking for something stable and god, Ray was so inexperienced in dating and romance and whatever that was and  _don’t even get him started on the concept of love_. He wringed his hands together, biting his lip nervously, his heart pounding way too loudly, in anticipation of what was to come.

It came up more of as a mumbled mess, but the message got across to Joel anyway. “…. Uh, anything you want.” Lame ass answer. Good job, Ray.

Immediately after he had said it, he looked Joel directly in the eyes, hoping for a good reaction, something that was not scary and not disappointing all at the same time.

“I, um… we could just uh-“

A pause, and Ray’s heart beat so fast he wondered if it was healthy and  _was he going to have a heart attack at the age of 24-_

“-we could just keep doing this, while you know, not having feelings and stuff. No! Wait, no, like um- cause I’m really old and you’re like a kid- no! You’re an adult completely capable of making life decisions and I recognise and acknowledge that, but like, I’m definitely not going to be fantastic for you. But like, if you want to like, continue this, without having anything extra, then like we could do a… thing. Only if you’re cool with it! I mean, I don’t want to put any extra pressure on you and yeah, I… yes.”

Ray laughed.

“So you’re basically suggesting that we’re going to have a friends with benefits kind of thing.”

The older male nodded slowly, face turning a fierce shade of red, which prompted Ray to reach over the table to place his hand over Joel’s.

“Dude? Joel? Breathe. I’m very okay with this plan.”

“… R-really? Right, right, I’m cool, I’m chill. I’m okay.”

Ray turned Joel’s hand over so that he could hold it in his, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling his hand away. The arrangement was easygoing and playful - just like they always were, before the events of the previous night even happened. They could do this. It was a sure recipe for success, right?

Joel whispered something that sounded a lot like, “I could kiss you right now,” but Ray wasn’t quite sure.

And then Joel leaned over the table and kissed Ray and nibbled on his bottom lip, which made Ray’s skin heat up and send the good kind of chills down his entire body. They were gasping, breaths mixing with each others’ as they pulled back, eyelashes fluttering.

“That was pretty gay, Joel.”

The older man groaned, rolling his eyes and grumbling about how the younger man had managed to ruin the “moment” with one stupid remark. He got up from his chair and stacked the emptied plates on the table before bringing them over to the sink.

“I’m going to kick  _your_ ass in Halo.”

“Not if I can do anything about it.”

“Please, Ray, do your worst.”

***

As Ray lay on his bed in his quiet apartment at 1am that Saturday night, he wondered how his dynamic with Joel would change, especially come Monday, when they had to see each other at work and act completely normal. Then he remembered that they were technically not dating and it shouldn’t be too complicated. He asked for it not to be complicated after all. This was the simplest way, he convinced himself. This was the easiest way for both of them to fulfill that physical need, without having to deal with bullshit feelings and problems.

It was perfect.

The dark hickies on Ray’s neck had faded by Monday, but Ray’s hand kept involuntarily passing over the spots where he had been marked by the older man, and it reminded him of how warm Joel’s mouth was on his skin, the way his fingers touched Ray in a sensual way, and the way he groaned when Ray did something right and the way that Joel-

_Alright, Ray, control your hormones._

Maybe some vitamin water would help.

Clicking the all important “save” button with a sigh, he put down his headphones on his desk and got up, stretching and asking around if anyone needed anything from the pantry. It was a perfect timing to take a break too, because Michael had decided to record an episode of Rage Quit, and when that happened, Ray would be too distracted to do any sort of work anyway.

Ray exited the room, humming the chorus of a Cobra Starship song he had just been listening to while he was editing.

“I make them good girls go- oh, wow, uh hey Joel.”

The older man, who had been standing in front of the coffee machine, turned towards him and grinned, and Ray gave him a small glare because he knew that grin meant that Joel was going to make fun of his singing.

“As you were saying, you make good girls go what exactly?”

“… go bad- oh, shut the fuck up.”

The older man simply laughed in response, ducking to avoid Ray’s hand swatting at him, turning back to check on his coffee. Ray busied himself with getting what he needed from the fridge, which was a quick and easy task. Somehow, he felt compelled to stay and chat with Joel, so that was exactly what he did, standing close to Joel, with his back leaning against the countertop.

They started to engage in light conversation about the weather (“It’s surprisingly hot this time of the year.” “I came from  _New York_ , and I absolutely know what you mean.”), and other mundane little office things like Joel getting a new printer (“Technology and me are not the best of friends.”), and how Gavin nearly caused Ray’s death this morning (it was a long story).

He was about to start reprimanding Joel about the way he made his coffee, but was interrupted again by the smirking bastard, a teasing look in his eyes.

“By the way, you sing pretty well.”

“Uh, okay?”

“I mean, if you were referring to  _me_ , for one I’m definitely not a girl and two, that’s not a song you would traditionally serenade someone with, and three, you would definitely know that, but I am not exactly all that  _good_.”

The way Joel’s voice dropped at the last word made Ray’s toes curl and the way that the actor’s eyes darted down to Ray’s lips was not helping his situation at all.

“Where did you get the idea that I was trying to serenade you?” Ray retorted, a sly grin on his lips as he started to walk away, not wanting to give Joel the satisfaction of having the upper hand.

Joel threw the empty sugar packet into the bin, and raised his hands to his chest in a gesture of mock offense. “Man, that really really hurt my feelings. Right in here,” he said, jabbing a finger at his chest where he approximated his heart would be.

“Your heart is actually a little bit higher, stupid,” Ray said. He hesitated for a short while, before walking back towards Joel, keeping a distance from the older man that was considerably platonic-looking, reaching out his hand to place it over Joel’s, redirecting it to portray a more accurate position of where Joel’s heart would be. Watching Gavin and Michael play Surgeon Simulator came in useful sometimes.

Ray’s hand lingered on Joel’s, looking into Joel’s questioning eyes, the moment complemented with silence between the two. The younger man dropped his arm slowly, his fingers tracing almost teasingly along Joel’s forearm, the pads of his fingers pressing teasingly into muscle. He smirked when he caught sight of the slight shiver in Joel’s arm as he did so, basking in his momentary “victory”, as he began to walk away, collecting the items he came to the pantry to get in the first place.

He stopped at the doorway, turning around to give Joel one last look. “And if I remember the conditions of our agreement correctly, all you need to do is just ask, really. Ask  _politely_  of course.” He snickered at the way Joel rolled his eyes, and headed back to the Achievement Hunter office.

Sure enough, he got a text from Joel about 10 minutes after he had settled back into his chair.

(11:42)  
 _So, you’re free tonight?_

(11:43)  
Nah, I have plans.

(11:43)  
With my Xbox.

(11:45)  
 _… I don’t even_

(11:45)  
Unless you’re asking for something? ;)

(11:49)  
 _Yes I_

(11:50)  
 _YES I AM, god dammit, Ray._

(11:52)  
See you at around 5 then.

(11:53)  
No, wait, you didn’t use the magic word.

(11:53)  
 _What magic word?_

(11:57)  
 _Fuck you?_

(11:59)  
Well, not the word I was looking for, but isn’t that the plan for tonight? ;)

Ray let out a bark of laughter at his own wit, which earned him strange looks from the Lad sitting beside him. Well, oops? He gave Michael a sheepish grin, hoping he wouldn’t kill Ray for messing up his audio.

He needed to be at least alive at 5pm.

***

Needless to say, Ray was very much alive when 5pm came around, and a little over an hour later, he was more than alive; if the wonderful chorus of sounds coming out of his mouth was any indication, he was soaring on the high that was Joel’s lips on his neck, the older man’s teeth grazing across the pale skin leaving what was sure to be a mean hickey that would show the next day.

The younger man couldn’t do anything but grit his teeth, a high pitched whine escaping his throat as Joel’s hands trailed down his heaving chest and found their way to his dick and began to stroke it. Ray’s breath hitched at the first flick of Joel’s wrist and his own hands bunched up in the wild, dark hair, tugging lightly, to which Joel made a groan of appreciation.

“W-w-wait.”

The older man lifted his head up so that he could look Ray in the eyes, his hand stilling on the base of Ray’s penis.

“…Yeah?”

“… I have a question.”

“Go on?”

“Does it always, you know, hurt when you- Cause tomorrow I have to go to work and- and I just-“

Joel’s lips quirked up into a smile that quickly turned into a smirk instead. “Are you worried that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow?”

Ray’s diverted gaze and the biting of his own lip was enough of an answer.

“What the fuck, you’re way too innocent to be true. You don’t drink _and_  you haven’t experimented with men before?”

The younger man furrowed his brow, lightly punching Joel in the arm just because. “I didn’t really go to college.”

“Ahh,” Joel mused, smirk on face still intact. “While I’d love to get you to the point where you wouldn’t be able to walk because I would know that it was because of my powerful dick-“

“You’re such an asshole, man, I hate you,“ Ray interrupted, pouting for full effect.

“-it doesn’t actually always hurt that badly. I’ll uh, prepare you properly this time.”

“Huh,” Ray said, dragging out the syllable. Joel’s hands started to move again, rubbing up and down Ray’s length as the younger man flushed and poorly held back a moan.

“Yup, so you definitely were a virgin.”

“Only from the behind! …Th-that came out weird.” Ray mumbled, covering his mouth in embarrassment. Joel rolled his eyes, hands moving away from Ray’s length to uncap the bottle of lube that was already sitting pretty on his bedside drawer, and squeezed a generous amount onto his hands, dipping his fingers before inserting one into Ray’s entrance with no warning at all.

The younger man moaned so loudly that Joel was pretty sure his neighbors could hear it over their Monday night television programming. Muffling the other sounds coming out of Ray’s mouth with a searing kiss, Joel continued to stretch the younger man, inserting another finger and scissoring carefully.

When the third finger made its way into Ray’s entrance, the younger man bit a little bit too hard on Joel’s lower lip, drawing some blood. Joel hissed a moved his head away, retracting his fingers at the same time.

Ray immediately looked apologetic, his mouth opening to form a coherent sentence, but Joel shushed him and licked his lip, his dick twitching at the twinge of pain.

Huh, so he was a little bit of a masochist. Didn’t realize that before.

He reconnected his mouth with Ray’s, moaning softly as Ray’s tongue moved along with his in an expert manner.  _Fuck_ , this kid was really going to be the death of him.

Joel quickly rolled on a condom and applied yet another generous amount of lube on his hard length, before pushing slowly into Ray, holding the younger man’s ankles over his shoulders, reveling in how tight the younger man still was, even with preparation.

The younger man hissed as Joel drove his length to the hilt. At the sight of Ray’s expression, Joel tilted his head to pepper Ray with a trail of kisses starting from the crease between the younger man’s brows, down the side of his face to his earlobe, nibbling gently, before whispering a mix of encouraging and dirty words into the gamer’s ear. The younger man let out heavy staggered breaths, his expression relaxing as his eyes fluttered shut.

Ray’s hands moved down Joel’s sides to grip his waist as Joel began to pull out, nudging him forward slightly to give some encouragement, which Joel gladly took, thrusting slowly, planning to start off with a steady pace.

Ray surprised him by urging him to go faster, causing the older man to comply, holding down Ray’s hips with both hands as he thrusted at an erratic pace, his eyes locked on the blissful expression on Ray’s face and the arching of the younger man’s back. Ray let out beautiful cries of pleasure, echoed by his own groans and grunting, and it went straight to his dick, making him feel like he was escalating even more quickly into a climax.

"F-fuck! Joel!" Ray came first, the sticky liquid ending up on Ray’s chest. Joel thrusted a few more times before coming, letting out a low chant of Ray’s name as he rode out his orgasm. Collapsing gently on the younger male, he moved his hands to behind Ray’s head and pecked him on the lips, pulling out and rolling to the side, disposing the condom to the bin next to his bedside drawer. When he turned back to face the younger man, he found him already starting to clean himself up, and decided to ‘help’ by moving his head down to lick up Ray’s cum on his chest.

Ray swatted him away, squirming and giggling. “Joel, no! Stop, that tickles.”

Joel stuck out his tongue at him, which made the younger man lean in to kiss him. _Wow, we’re_   _cute_. Joel mused for a second before shaking those thoughts away because no, they weren’t in a relationship. They were just friends. Friends who had conversations about life and video games and stocks and then had sex. Nothing more than that.

Ray let out a sigh, pulling away suddenly from the kiss to get out of the bed. Joel shot Ray a curious look. Maybe he should have told Ray explicitly that he could stay over-

"We didn’t eat dinner and I’m hungry," Ray whined, standing by the edge of the bed. "Let’s go get Taco Bell."

Joel laughed at Ray’s demand, shaking his head as he got up to get dressed anyway.

Taco Bell sounded good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr [over here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/88088074096/treacherous-02-09).


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I can’t decide if it’s a choice / Getting swept away_

Ray liked lazily waking up on weekend mornings that quickly turned into afternoons, the sun hanging high in the Austin sky, the cool wind from the fan in his bedroom supplying just enough relief. He liked them even better when he woke up and found himself covered by Joel’s plain white sheets instead of the floral variety his mom had bought for him to use. He also liked the way the older man was always already awake, smiling at him with his usual sleepy eyes, or giving him a funny face that would never fail to make Ray crack up with sleepy laughter.

The days they found themselves in each other’s apartments was becoming increasingly frequent, although Ray found it weird at first, how they managed to keep something so potentially detrimental to the both of them so casual.

He liked routine, and his routine was slowly becoming waking up with his nose buried in the crook of Joel’s neck.

Joel’s apartment was also nearer to a Taco Bell.

It was one such lazy Saturday afternoon that Ray found himself walking across the parking lot of Taco Bell, and into the ice cream parlour next door, Joel in tow.

Joel jogged to catch up with the Puerto Rican after locking his car, slinging an arm over the shoulders of the smaller man, ruffling Ray’s hair a little as they entered the store, bells tinkling to indicate their entrance.

Joel steered the both of them into his favourite booth, collapsing on the cushioned seats with a loud sigh and a dopey smile on his face.

Ray mirrored his expression, resting his chin on one hand as he turned his body slightly to look at the menu whilst Joel glanced to and from the gamer to his own menu instead. Joel wasn’t really thinking about what to order, Ray having told him that he was going to be the one ordering for the both of them as repayment for a stupid bet they had made between themselves over a game of Halo. (In Joel’s defence, he  _was_  winning by a large margin when the bet was suggested, but he shouldn’t have underestimated Ray’s ability to narrow that margin speedily and ultimately win at the last second.)

His eyes continued to follow Ray as he got up to make his order at the counter, the Puerto Rican chatting briefly with the pretty brunette waitress, clearly impressing her, if her giggling and batting of eyelashes was any indication.

Joel shifted in his seat, willing his eyes away to avoid looking like a possessive boyfriend, of which both words were  _completely untrue_  in describing Joel in their case. He should have been feeling almost proud that Ray had gained the ability to flirt, and to have used it effectively on someone rather attractive, but the twisting in his gut and the reflexive curling of his fist said otherwise.

He was so focused on emptying his mind of any negative thoughts that he didn’t even realise when Ray had returned to the booth, Ray ending up having to lean almost his whole body across the table to wave both of his hands in front of Joel’s face. The older man blinked twice, then jumped back in surprise, scowling when Ray let out a giggle and slid back into his seat.

“We’re sharing, because one: waffles are delicious and I have great taste, and two: hashtag ‘Fit for RTX’, am I right?”

Joel shook his head slightly and was about to refute with something about how Ray was already so skinny he didn’t possibly need to go on any sort of diet or anything and wait a minute, was Ray implying that he was not fit enough?

Ray, of all people, should know that Joel was well built. What with how he could carry the Puerto Rican from the front door all the way down the hall to the bedroom, the younger man’s legs straddling his waist, feet never touching the floor. And how Joel used his knees and upper body strength to support his whole body when they had s-

“Enjoy your sweet treat!”

Joel snapped out of his daze again, looking up at their waiter, then looking back at Ray again, receiving another weird look from the younger man.

“Are you okay? You’re kind of out of it, huh?”

Joel grimaced, lifting up his hand to rub the back of his neck. “Yeah, kind of,” he admitted. He could see Ray’s expression falter, quickly adding, “It’s- it’s not because of you! I actually really like this. I love waffles. And ice cream. Really.”  _Good save, Joel._

Ray shrugged, going back to wolfing down the waffle in an unattractive manner.

Joel sighed, shaking his head as he took a scoop of ice cream, sticking the spoon into his mouth and scrunching his face at the flavour.

That’s it, he was going to be the one choosing the ice cream flavour the next time they came.

They ate in comfortable silence, basking in the ease that was each other’s company and the blissful chill that the dessert and air conditioning directly above their heads provided in the sweltering Texan heat.

Unsurprisingly, Ray got bored of just eating and started to pelt ice-cream at Joel with his bendable plastic spoon, the older man’s expression turning to a face of disgust before it quickly shifted into a playful grin as he flicked ice-cream back at Ray, who complained immediately about being ‘bullied’.

They continued their little game, more ice cream ending up on their faces than being put in their mouths until Ray nearly slid off his seat and fell off the side of the booth, dissolving into a giggling mess. Joel gave up using napkins to clean up the messes on his hoodie and resorted to using the sleeves to clean up his face instead. He had to remind himself to breathe through all the laughter, breaths coming out in gasps that seemed to crack Ray up even more.

“You’re fucking ridiculous,” Joel managed breathlessly, grin still wide on his face as he watched Ray try to compose himself.

The younger man took off his glasses and reached for the napkins before wiping it clean.

The moment he looked up at Joel, eyes bright from laughing, the older man swore his heart did a weird flip-flop, the natural lighting piercing through the glass panel beside their booth somehow hitting Ray’s face in all the right angles.

The younger man looked so innocent in that moment, and fuck, his eyelashes were gorgeous.

It certainly wasn’t the first time that Joel had seen Ray without his thick, black framed spectacles, but it was the first time that he was really _seeing_  him in a setting that wasn’t just a cloud of lust- filled haze, or the darkness of their rooms in the mornings when Ray would stay the night, Joel waking early, catching the younger man’s blissful expression as he slept.

“Can I help the two of you clear up?” A perky waiter’s voice interrupted Joel’s train of thought, and the weird staring session between the two.

Joel jumped a little at the sudden intrusion into their space, but was even more surprised when the waiter, who looked to be a college kid, smirked and slid a slip of paper towards Ray before leaving with their finished plate.

From the older man’s view, he could clearly see a set of numbers scribbled on top of it, along with a short message.

He tried to ignore the green monster battling its way to the forefront of his thoughts, grinning at Ray before asking, “Got lucky with the cute girl at the counter, eh?” Ray didn’t respond immediately, still glancing down at the piece of paper, so Joel continued to fill the silence, “You have  _me_  to thank for that, of course.”

Ray started laughing, face turning red, shaking his head as he explained, “The number isn’t the girl at the counter’s. It’s the waiter who just served us.”

The pair simultaneously turned to look at the male waiter, who wore a confident smile on his face and actually had the guts to wink at Ray.

"Wow, geez Joel, you’re turning me so gay that other people can sense it. I’m on their gay-dar."

Joel didn’t know how to dignify that statement with a proper response, he was too distracted by the fact that he suddenly felt compelling need to compete with the college kid for Ray’s… attention? He wasn’t even sure whether or not Ray’s statement was spoken in a positive way. Was he supposed to smile or scowl at Ray?

Ray got out of the booth, pocketing the number, gesturing towards the door with his other hand before Joel could respond. “Are we going to leave yet? Because I’m streaming tonight and if we continue to sit here and waste time away, we won’t have time for our ‘plans’… if you know what I mean,” Ray added a wink of his own, directed at  _him,_  the older man gleefully noted before following Ray out of the diner.

He had half the mind to turn around and give the waiter who had hit on Ray a triumphant look, if not for the fact that Ray was practically racing out of the store towards Joel’s car.

 _Maybe next time_ , Joel considered, his head leaned back on the painted wall of his home behind him as Ray bit on his collarbone, trying to pull down the zipper of Joel’s pants.

 _Yeah. Next time_ , he decided as he rode out his orgasm, his arm snaking its way around Ray’s waist as the younger man lay panting on his white sheets, his other arm reaching up to cup Ray’s face, the calories gained from their ice cream treat completely burnt by the evening’s activities.

***

Ray yawned, stretching his arms above his head as he leaned back in his chair. Hearing a vibration sound from his phone against his desk, he put down his arms and quickly clicked on ‘save’ on his edit, turning his chair to the side, facing towards the window (and that lovely photo of Ryan Gosling), so that he could look at his phone to see what notification he had gotten.

**(1) Text Message – Joel**

His heart made a weird  _thump_  as he quickly picked up his phone, swiping on the screen so that he could read the message.

(15:06)   
 _Free tonight?_

He hesitated for a short while, trying to compose a reply that make him come across more as casual than nervous, and even a little desperate.

He considered making a joke about Gavin, (Get it? ‘Free’?), but he did not even get a chance to type anything before another text came in, almost as if Joel had read his mind.

(15:08)   
 _You can stay the night._

Ray felt his face grow hot; a heat that made his head spin, a heat that he associated specially to Joel, a heat he knew had probably caused an obvious blush to creep up his neck.

He turned his chair even more so that Michael couldn’t turn his head and notice him. The fucker would never let him live this down and would probably use it as leverage during a Let’s Play or something.

Because Ray getting flustered?  _By a man_? The same Ray who made jokes about liking men half the time? Yeah, he would never hear the end of that.

He quickly replied the text with an okay and the time he was going to leave the office, quickly going back to his editing, his rapid heartbeat slowing down till it was back at his regular  _thud, thud, thud_.

The remaining two hours passed by in a blur, the moment the second hand ticked past ‘12’ on the clock, Ray barely blinked as he clicked save on his audio for an achievement guide, moving his mouse over to the power symbol to shut it down. His fingers made quick movements across his desk as he shut down his machines and turned off switches.

He heard someone knock twice on the door of the Achievement Hunter office before pushing the door open and strolling in, Ray thinking it was extremely weird of him to actually recognise by the shuffling of feet that it was Joel who had walked through the door.

Visits by Joel to the Achievement Hunter office was becoming a regular occurrence in the recent weeks, but every time the older man sauntered his way into the room and made his presence known it didn’t stop Ray from suddenly becoming the Guinness Book of World Record’s clumsiest person alive, fumbling with his headphones as he suddenly found the cords harder to pack properly.

Ray registered Joel nodding a hello to Jack and sidestepping to avoid getting attacked by Gavin, walking over to Ray’s table, tugging the hood of Ray’s jacket lightly. The younger quickly followed Joel out of the room, mumbling a few goodbyes, continuing to walk at a brisk pace behind Joel, getting into the older man’s car.

Ray had barely enough time to put on his seatbelt, when Joel suddenly grabbed his face with both hands, turning his head for a kiss.

The younger man moaned unashamedly into the kiss, hands grabbing onto Joel’s collar and pulling him closer, his eyes fluttering shut as Joel maneuvered one of his hands to grab the hair on the back of Ray’s head, tugging it lightly, already slipping some tongue into Ray’s mouth.

Ray continued to entertain the sudden frenzied making out, body leaning over to Joel’s side, the shift stick poking him uncomfortably in the ribs, before awareness of where they were kicked in and he placed both of his hand’s on Joel’s chest, lightly pushing the older man away.

“Are you fucking insane? We’re in the parking lot!” He hissed, panic in his eyes as he scanned around outside.

Joel merely shrugged, wiping his lips with the back of his hands, turning to face forward.

Ray did the same, looking pointedly away from Joel, chewing on his lower lip. He wished he knew what the older man was thinking in that moment, wishing more than anything he knew what brought on the sudden recklessness. They were always careful and this was one of the few times Ray actually felt scared about this whole arrangement.

They sat in mutual contemplative silence for a few seconds before Joel started up the car and began driving out of the lot.

“Let’s get dinner first. What do you want to eat?”

“Don’t care.”

“Aww, come on, don’t be like that.”

“We could’ve been caught by someone.” Ray refused to look at Joel, choosing to glare at the car in front of them instead.

Joel sighed, rolling his eyes before turning in to the fast food outlet. “But we didn’t. That’s the important part.”

Ray curled his hands into fists, keeping them by his sides, leaning back against the headrest with a huff. “No it’s not! How are you so chill about this? I don’t understand,” he said the last part so quietly it was more like him muttering to himself than Joel, but the older must have caught it, because when the car pulled to a red light, the older man turned his head towards Ray and gave him a curious look.

“What is there to be confused about? This is- this is us, and we’re doing whatever the fuck we want,” Joel offered, running his hand through his wild hair, “Look, I’m sorry I was careless, okay? I didn’t know it would bother you that much.”

Ray immediately felt guilty at Joel’s words because he reacted in a way that suggested that he was rejecting Joel and that was the opposite of what he wanted to convey.

But Joel apparently wasn’t even that bothered, especially after Ray sort of apologised the only way he knew how- by making the situation lighter, throwing fries at the older man as they ate their burgers.

A few hours later, Ray fell back onto Joel’s bed, coming down from their post-sex high, breathing heavily in time with Joel.

He had attempted a ‘proper’ apology for yelling at the older man by nuzzling his head into the crook of Joel’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin, licking the newly forming marks he had placed on the pale skin moments before. The actor responded by turning his head to the side to look at Ray, wrapping his arms around the other, pulling the man towards him so that they were comfortably spooning.

The younger man let his eyelids flutter shut, breathing in Joel’s scent and letting himself be intoxicated by the musky smell of cologne, caffeine and the warmth radiating from the body next to him. He shivered a bit when a gust of wind blew through the cracks of Joel’s ajar windows, and again when Joel pulled up the sheets so that they were wrapped more snugly under the covers, Ray’s heart rate picking up again.

“Still angry at me?”

The young gamer huffed in a childish manner, bumping his foot against the other man’s leg, the small smile on his face betraying his emotions. “…You’re lucky you’re good in bed.”

“Damn right I am.”

***

Exchanging lazy kisses in the morning was their thing. Friday mornings already Joel’s favourite thing, but were made even better when he had a cute Puerto Rican next in his bed when he woke up.

Joel asked for shower sex, the younger man surprisingly being the more sensible one and refusing, nearly chucking his toast at Joel when the suggestion was brought up.

“We’re going to be late if we do,” Ray said, shuffling about Joel’s room, rummaging through the closets and drawers for something decent to wear to work since Ray hadn’t exactly come prepared.

Joel threw one of his hoodies at Ray, which happened to be an RvB hoodie. Watching Ray’s eyes light up in recognition was worth it, even if Ray was going to chew the strings on the hoodie to hell like the little kid he always acted like.

Joel obliged, albeit a little frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted in the morning, filling that idea into the storage bank in his brain for “Things To Do with Ray Narvaez Jr” before grabbing his things and ushering the younger man out of his apartment so that they could commute to work.

Joel didn’t know if it was the sex with Ray the previous night, or the fact that it was a _Friday_ , but he was in an upbeat mood the whole day.

As usual, he readily accepted the invitation to go out with some of the RvB cast and crew for drinks that night, and man, Joel’s life couldn’t get any better.

***

Ray’s night on the other hand, consisted of not alcohol, but a lot of Red Bull, as him and Michael did a game night together upon the redhead’s invitation.

Ray didn’t think it was weird at first, even though game nights with Michael were becoming increasingly rare since the other man was in the process of planning his wedding. Friday nights for Michael usually involving going to get drinks with the staff who actually drank, and you know,  _not_  Ray.

The Puerto Rican only realised something was off when he noticed that his best friend seemed to be taking a while to respond to the conversation they were having, it was as if the redhead had something important to say to Ray that he couldn’t string into proper sentences.

And Ray, being as impatient as he was, decided that the awkwardness needed to stop, asking Michael what was wrong.

“Um… it’s just- I noticed something yesterday and… I just thought as your best friend, you would have told me about it.”

Ray took another gulp from his can of Red Bull, wincing slightly at the strong taste at this time of the night, looking over at Michael, cocking his head to the side in confusion. “Tell you about what?”

“About… about… oh,  _you know_ ,” Michael said, pausing the game, and raising his hand to rub the back of his neck, “I’m not going to judge you for it or anything, you know.”

“Uh… okay, I’m still not getting it.” Ray said, putting down his controller as well.

“I’m talking about you and Joel.”

***

Ray spent the night and early morning talking through his “relationship” with Joel to a  _very interested_  Michael, the pair curling up on either ends of Michael’s couch until Lindsay came home. The sense of loneliness tugging at his heartstrings as he watched the couple interact was enough of a fuel to get his body moving, leaving Michael’s apartment.

While this was happening, Joel found himself in the company of someone _very interested_  too; a shy, giggly blonde that was thrust into his arms by his cheering friends.

The older man woke up naked, in someone else’s bed.

Someone who distinctly wasn’t Ray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr over [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/88864116691/treacherous-03-09).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand_
> 
> ps. just in case the format of this chapter is confusing: the whole chapter alternates between “present day” (in regular) and the conversation Ray had with Michael (in italics).

The first thing Joel realised when he woke up was that he was not in a place that smelt or looked familiar to him. He lifted his arm up carefully to avoid disturbing the snoozing body next to him, and tried to rub sleep out of his eyes.

When he felt awake enough, he looked down at the mop of blonde hair under his chin, it taking him a good few minutes to recognise that it was  _not_ Ray.

Unless, of course, Ray decided to dye his hair and grow it out by 3 times its original length during the hours of the night, which Joel was pretty sure had not happened.

Joel jumped back slightly, creating a space between him and the stranger, getting up slowly to avoid creating any disturbance.

His head was pounding; probably a result of the alcohol he had consumed the previous night. He decided that priority number one was to get up, find the kitchen and pour a glass of water to drink. Maybe even some painkillers if he was lucky.

He managed to do all of that whilst getting dressed along the way, picking up his clothes and checking for his valuables, without waking- now that he could see and think properly- the woman he had picked up at the bar, whose name he had forgotten. (Sandra? Sandy?)

As he made his way out of her apartment, he went speedily down the flight of stairs and flagged down a taxi, trying to ignore the feeling of guilt pooling in his stomach. He wasn’t sure if the disgust he was experiencing was because of the way he had found himself in a stranger’s bed again after what seemed like the longest time, like back before Ray, or if it was simply the after effects of last night’s cheap alcohol still swimming around in his digestive system.

At least the migraine was gone, which meant he could actually think properly and control his legs to carry his body weight up the stairs to his own apartment, stumbling into his bedroom and falling head first onto his bed.

What he didn’t expect was to instantly collide with a smaller body, that immediately jumped awake as Joel fumbled with his sheets in shock.

***

_"I’m talking about you and Joel."_

_Ray’s first instinct was to burst out laughing at Michael’s statement, unsure if it was the appropriate way to react._

_He clutched weakly at his sides, trying to keep up with his act, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes and even wheezing a little in an over-the-top manner, and the only organic reaction being the acceleration of his heartbeat and the sweat on his palms._

_"J-J-Joel and me? Jesus, Michael, that’s, uh, really hilarious, comedy gold. You fuckin’ got me good. Y-You’re terrible at coming up with jokes man,” he said choppily in response, putting on a large grin on his face whilst his insides twisted into panic mode._

_It was a futile attempt anyway, as he found out, Michael giving Ray that one look he reserved for when the people he knew and cared about were being idiots; a look often reserved for Ray when he did really_ really _stupid things._

_“Ray, please. I’m your best friend. You can’t lie to me.”_

***

Joel instinctively reached for a usable ‘weapon’, which at that time meant a thick History of Economics book he had borrowed from the library a week ago and that he had left sitting on his bedside drawer ever since. He jumped back and lifted the heavy object in the air, above his head, his heart drumming loudly in his ears, just as the intruder began to arrange the sheets properly.

“What the fuck? Joel- ow, Jesus,” Ray yelped, blinking wearily before he glanced up, his gaze landing on the book aimed for his head. “Uh… were you trying to kill me with that thing?”

Joel didn’t respond, incredibly confused by how Ray had managed to end up in his bed, although this morning’s experiences clearly told him how easy it was to find his own self in someone else’s bed. He lowered the book gently to rest in his lap.

“It’s not exactly the morning greeting I expected to get from you but okay,” the Puerto Rican continued, shrugging and collapsing back onto Joel’s bed sheets.

“Who- Wha- I mean, uh, how…? How the hell did you manage to get in here?”

“Uh… surprise?”

***

_Ray debated between continuing to try and save himself from having to explain anything to Michael or instead just talking it out, confiding in the other just like stereotypical teenage girls did on sleepovers._

_With his company being Michael, of course he settled on the latter._

_Although he was wise enough to leave out the nitty gritty details on how exactly Joel and him came to the arrangement, wanting to spare Michael’s ears from discomfort over the explicit. (“I don’t need to know how uncomfortable it is taking things up in the butt, thank you very much.”) The younger man may or may not have let slip a few things that may or may not have hinted at his confusing feelings on the whole situation, which of course Michael picked up on. He was always the more astute one among the both of them._

_“…Ray. You understand the difference between being in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation and an actual relationship, right?”_

_“Uh, yeah…?”_

_Michael let out a loud, exasperated sigh, leaning back against the couch and looking at the pause screen on the television screen._

_The redhead frowned, staring intently ahead. “From what you’re telling me right now, I… I don’t think you really know what it means, Ray.”_

***

Joel could tell that Ray was trying to get back to sleep again from his movement, but Joel had already had such a confusing morning that he couldn’t bring himself to wait until the younger man was fully awake, which would have been at least two hours later.

The older grabbed Ray’s shoulders gently and shook him a little, before remembering that the most effective tactic when dealing with him was tickling, so he lowered his hands, reaching for Ray’s waist, and going for it.

“Fuckin’- Ahhh, no, stop!” Ray yelped, struggling under Joel’s tactics.

Joel leaned back, raising an eyebrow at the younger man, arms crossing against his chest. He tapped his fingers impatiently on his upper arm as he watched Ray slowly sit up and turn his body to face him.

“What was the question again?” Ray asked groggily.

Joel pouted, repeating his question in an impatient tone.  “How did you get in here?”

Ray looked guilty, getting up fully to stand beside the bed.

“I, uh,” Ray began, stammering, Joel wondering briefly whether Ray was feeling guilty for something too. Maybe Ray had slept with someone else last night as well and now they were even, maybe he wasn’t the only one drowning in self-pity.

If they were “even” in this twisted sense, then maybe it would assuage some of the guilt he was feeling right now.

Then again, why did it matter who Ray was with last night or what he was doing? It shouldn’t.

Ray wasn’t  _his_.

“…I stayed up till really late last night at Michael’s and I didn’t want to play third wheel to him and Lindsay, so I called a taxi, but I must have been so out of it that I gave the taxi driver your address instead. You told me before where your spare key was…  so, I’m here.”

Oh, okay. The guilt was pooling in Joel’s stomach again, the man trying very hard to repress the feelings down to avoid them being released.

The Puerto Rican took a step backwards, quietly pulling off the hoodie he was wearing and placing it gently on the bed, fixing the rest of his clothes.

Joel looked down at the thick article of clothing that had been just placed on his sheets and was surprised to find out that it was his own, which not only doubled the amount of guilt he was feeling, but the new jittery feeling in his stomach that he could pretty much equate to something like butterflies.

“I’ll, uh, get going now. S-sorry.” Ray mumbled, giving Joel a small smile before leaving.

Joel didn’t even attempt to move from his position on the bed until he heard the front door creak open and a small click sound a few seconds later.

He could have asked Ray to stay. He could have asked Ray out to breakfast. (Like a normal friend would after his  _friend_  had a sleepover at their house).

Groaning, Joel decided that feelings would magically disappear after a good, long sleep. He shuffled his butt forwards on his bed and collapsed onto his sheets, closing his eyes and willing himself to clear his thoughts.

Keeping his mind clear from any unwanted thoughts, as well as the potentially treacherous waters of his ocean-like feelings, he let out a sigh. Even after he took a deep breath and realised that the sheets smelled faintly like something that reminded him of Ray, he still managed to keep his mind blank.

Eventually, after much tossing and turning, groaning and cursing, he managed to succumb to sleep.

***

_It’s easy to build an illusion that everything is fine. It’s the honeymoon phase of any sort of relationship, where you don’t seem to notice the cracks in that glass case that you build around your image of it. But it takes very little to shatter it: a flitting thought, an offhand remark, a seemingly harmless comment, moments that don’t seem very defining at first but end up triggering the cracks in that glass case to shatter, exposing everything inside for you to see._

_This was one of those moments._

_Ray took such a long time just to process what his best friend was accusing him of that he could barely formulate a response before Michael lost his patience and had to speak up._

_“It means no strings attached. No romantic feelings. None.”_

_The way Michael said it, slowly, an emphasis on such negative words, it made Ray’s stomach twist, not in a way that was pleasing; in fact, in a way that was the complete opposite._

***

The next time Ray and Joel met was Monday. Monday night to be exact.

Joel said it was to make up for them not meeting up at all weekend, and how he knew that Ray “would not get any action” all that weekend because Ray “had no game”, and although Ray laughed it off easily like he did all the time during Lets Plays, he knew that it was sadly true.

On Tuesday, Joel got drunk and called the younger man past midnight, demanding through slurs that Ray should come take care of him, which led to more sex.

They bumped into each other in the empty pantry on Wednesday morning, just like most other weekday mornings.

Joel shot a grin at Ray upon seeing the man, Ray unable to do anything but smile back easily.

Ray liked quieter moments like this, when he didn’t have to think about all their _implications_ and  _emotions_  and shit like that. Especially after that conversation with Michael a few nights ago.

When Joel reached to touch his arm, running his fingers up and down in a teasing manner, Ray sent Joel a coy gaze while continuing to stir coffee. He was about to say something; to crack a joke or to give a flirtatious remark or something of the like but was interrupted when Barbara walked in, making a beeline for the bunch of bananas that happened to be on the counter in front of Ray.

The pair instantly jumped apart, Ray greeting Barbara before walking slowly to the fridge, while Joel waved at the blonde and took a sip of his own coffee. The skin on Ray’s arm still tingled from where Joel’s fingers had traced small patterns.

“It’s Heyman! And Ray-man! Hey, Joel, I’ve been meaning to ask you; how was Friday night, eh?” She said, smirking and nudging Joel in the ribs.

Ray continued to search through the fridge at a slow pace, shooting curious glances over at Joel and Barbara every now and then.

“Why? What happened on Friday night? Did I miss something?” he asked, noting with interest that what was happening was increasingly flustering Joel.

“Oh, you completely missed how wasted this guy was on Friday,” she piped, pointing her thumb at Joel before pouring some of the already made coffee into her own mug, “and he got lucky! This cute chick from the bar that he brought home was all like, ‘ _hey, man._ ’”

Barbara grinned and winked for good measure whilst Joel squeaked, glancing at Ray. The moment that their eyes met, Ray’s curious brown ones with Joel’s panicked gray ones, Ray immediately connected the dots.

Right. No wonder Joel wasn’t home on Saturday morning. He was out… banging someone else.

Well, great. But why did that send his heart sinking into his stomach?

Barbara left quickly after receiving a text, presumably work related, a silence clinging to the air of the pantry.

Ray shut the refrigerator door, mumbling something about getting back to work under his breath, pointedly avoiding Joel’s gaze, making his way out of the room.

Joel’s arm shot out to stop him from doing so.

“Wait! Uh, I was going to ask if you-”

“No,” Ray said curtly, still avoiding Joel’s gaze.

Joel’s grip on his arm tightened. “W- what?”

Was this the first time he had ever said no? Now that he thought about it… Maybe he was too easy with Joel. Maybe he needed to learn to start rejecting him.

“I said no,” he insisted, easily managing to pull his arm free when Joel’s grip slackened.

“Go… go find that girl you were with on Friday or something.” He probably shouldn’t have said that laced with so much bitterness in his tone, his words shooting out like venom and making Joel flinch a little.

He wasn’t obligated to sleep with Joel. The older man shouldn’t be so affected by his rejection.

Joel let out a short bark of laughter, laced with nervousness and disbelief. “Why do you sound so bitter about this?”

Ray bit the inside of his cheek, and simply walked out, blood pounding in his ears, making a decision to avoid Joel for at least the rest of the week until he got himself sorted out.

He didn’t count on Joel making the effort to catch him just as he was leaving for home.

“Joel, I’m really tired and I want to go ho-”

“No, you listen to me,” Joel hissed, frowning down at Ray, looking around warily in case someone from the office was watching them.

The cold evening wind blew against the two of them and Ray shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. He too looked around, silently wishing for his ride, Kerry, to hurry the fuck back from picking up groceries so that he could get home as soon as possible.

“I don’t… I don’t understand why you’re so mad at me. You… You realise that our rela- f-  _friendship_ means we can fuck other people, right?”

The way Joel said it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was convincing Ray, the younger shaking that thought out of his head. He was too impatient to get out of the parking lot to think about nuances and tones and shit like that.

Joel sounded pissed off, and in Ray’s opinion, he did have the right too, Ray was the one being uptight here, but the younger man couldn’t care less about appeasing Joel when all he could feel was the throbbing of his subtly aching heart.

At that very moment, as if Kerry had heard his plea, Kerry’s vehicle pulled to the side of the road.

“I, uh- my ride is here.” Ray said, ending the conversation abruptly. Muttering his goodbye before jogging over to the car, hopping into the passenger seat quickly, staring straight ahead at the road in front of them.

He only turned his head to look back at the parking lot just as Kerry was pulling the car away, watching with a small sigh at Joel’s retreating figure, the older man’s hands in the pockets of his hoodie, head hung low as he slowly walked back into the office.

***

_Too bad his legs only took him as far as off the couch and into Michael’s kitchen, in order to grab a cup of water, from which he took large gulps. Another length of silence filled the air, Michael slowly picking up his controller, fiddling with the buttons, and watching the lit up selection bar on the screen go up and down._

_Ray shuffled his way back to the couch, dropping himself onto the cushions with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair._

_He looked down, realising that the outfit he had put on for tonight involved an article of Joel’s clothing- one of Joel’s generic hoodies. Suppressing the groan that tried to escape from his throat as he felt another twist in his stomach and the urge to facepalm himself into oblivion, he quickly pulled off the hoodie, tossing it on the floor together with whatever feelings of disgust he held for himself at that moment._

_He was feeling cold, but that was his punishment for being stupid and blurring the lines between friends and lovers._

_His voice cracked as he spoke, “Got it. Let me write that down in my head and put it into the saved data of my brain. No romantic feelings.”_

***

Ray sank into his couch as he failed to get the timing right yet again on an achievement he had been trying to get for the past 3 hours since getting home. His eyes flickered from the clock on the wall, to his windows which showed him only darkness, to his phone, which hadn’t buzzed since an hour ago.

Ray was used to being alone. He was alone before he met Joel. He was alone before he became friends with him, and now he was just alone again, even after starting up this screwed up dynamic with the older man.

It shouldn’t be so hard to spend a night alone whilst the target of his very confusing feelings was out, probably hooking up with some cute girl. Or guy. Like it fucking mattered at this point.

Luckily, he had his Xbox to distract him from everything else.

Returning to the game with a loud sigh, directed mostly at the emptiness in his living room, he hummed whilst playing the game, getting closer and closer to his goal, until he failed, yet again.

One wrong move and the progress on the achievement was void. Well, great.

It certainly was not Ray’s day.

He reached forward and placed the controller on the coffee table in front of him, one hand picking up his phone and idly scrolling through his contacts, his other hand propped up to smoothen over his face.

_“You realise that our friendship means we can fuck other people right?”_

_“It means no strings attached. No romantic feelings. None.”_

Ray got up suddenly, struck with an idea that would hopefully void him of feeling anything about Joel ever again. He made his way over to his bathroom, ruffling through his laundry basket before pulling out a denim article- the jeans he wore the day they went to that ice cream parlour. Digging through all of its pockets, he grinned when he found what he was looking for: a crumpled slip of paper, the one that was passed to him by that cute waiter.

He went back to the living room, number in hand, and reached for his phone, entering the phone number in the contact bar before sending out a quick text.

***

_“Ray… and you’re okay with that?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“I have no romantic feelings for Joel Heyman. I- I’m sure.”_

***

(23:40)  
Hey, it’s the guy from the ice cream parlour.

(23:41)  
From last Saturday. I’m Ray.

(23:44)  
 **Oh, wow, uh, hi!**

(23:44)  
 **I’m Cole.**

(23:45)  
 **So, what’s up?**

(23:49)  
Just wondering if you wanted to hang out some time?

(23:52)  
 **Yeah, of course!**

(23:52)  
 **I don’t just give out my number to any cute customer that comes by you know. ;)**

(23:55)  
Free Saturday?

(23:57)  
 **Saturday is great.**

(23:59)  
I’ll see you then.

Because if Ray was going to be cool about this and erase any (completely nonexistent) feelings he had for Joel Heyman, that was not platonic friendship, he needed a distraction to do so. And damn, he was entitled to one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr over [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/89464715631/treacherous-04-09).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Out of focus, eye to eye / Till the gravity’s too much_

Ray managed to completely avoid Joel for the rest of the work week, which was not easy considering that his whole morning routine had to be amended. Not to mention the weekly staff meetings required _everyone_ to be present in the same place.

Ray resorted to hiding inconspicuously between Michael and Jordan during the meeting, engaging in quiet conversation with the animator whenever the agenda reached something that didn’t require the attention of either of them. It kept his eyes from wandering around the room, always seeming to land on the guy who had been plaguing his mind periodically throughout the entire day, slipping into his stream of thoughts every time he became unfocused on a task.

By Friday evening he could honestly not even remember why he had decided it was the best choice to stay away from the actor in the first place, his mind filled Joel- his face, the things he said, the way he smelled… small things at work; like passing remarks he shared with Joel, or even just mentions of RVB, it was all starting to remind Ray too much of the older man, just as the younger was desperately trying to filter him out of his system.

Perhaps it was for the best, since Joel seemed quite angry at Ray on Wednesday and Ray still couldn’t form coherent sentences around him. Maybe some time apart from each other would be good.

If only it did less pain to Ray’s emotional and psychological state.

When 5pm Friday came around, Ray was more than ready to leave the office that did nothing but remind him of the other, wanting to get home and get ready for his date (was he even calling it that?) with Cole the next day. The pair had been exchanging many messages over the past two days and had struck up some sort of friendship. Ray didn’t want to think about how their easy going banter, with a little bit of flirtation thrown in, reminded him so much of how Joel and him used to interact.

But as luck would have it, or maybe it was the universe reminding him of how much of a shitty person he really was, just as Ray reached the nearest bus stop, it started to rain. More specifically, a torrential shower that made the surrounding area misty and dark, the only thing visible to Ray being the streetlights that shined weakly in the midst of the rain and the faint sunlight flitting in through the clouds.

Ray spotted a car moving slowly down the road towards the bus stop, able to see enough to recognise that nope, that was not his ride home. The car did look a little bit familiar, however. Was it a common colour? A common make? Nope, it wasn’t. The car was pulling up to the bus stop now, coming to a stop right in front of Ray and-

The passenger window slid down and Ray nearly shrieked in surprise when he saw who was in the car.

No wonder the car looked familiar- strapped into the driver’s seat was the very person he had been trying to avoid for the past few days.

The older man wore a frown on his face, etched with concern. Ray would have thought it to be cute if it weren’t for him remembering that he was trying to actually avoid him. Joel spoke, but Ray couldn’t hear him over the loud pattering of rain on the roof of the bus shelter, but he could make out Joel’s mouth moving to form the phrase “get in” repeatedly.

_Is the universe trying to send me a message?_ Ray wondered, looking up briefly at the stormy clouds above and receiving a roll of thunder in response.

Well. Okay.

Ray inhaled sharply, lifting the hood of his hoodie up to flimsily cover his head, before clamouring into the car, letting out his breath only when he was safely in the confines of the car.

He heard a snickering sound from his right and frowned, hitting Joel lightly in the arm in retaliation. The brief moment felt so warm and friendly that Ray immediately retracted his arm, letting it fall quietly to his side, the smile that had been on his face dropping. He looked out his own window as Joel continued to drive in the silence (Ray remembered Joel telling him about how the radio in his car functioned differently in different weather conditions and the older man had actually asked him if that meant that his radio was actually intelligent), and the younger man decided to occupy his thoughts by watching raindrops chase each other down the side windows.

The car ride continued to be silent, until the car came to a stop once more, in the parking lot of Ray's apartment complex. The situation the pair found themselves in was familiar; a few weeks ago they had found themselves stuck in the rain too, and proceeded to have a make out session in the very same car, in the very same parking lot. Ray wondered for a brief second if Joel remembered that. Not like it mattered anyway.

The rain outside continued to pour, but Joel's car managed to block out the sounds from the outside. Joel pulled the shift gear to park, and turned his body to face Ray, mouth hung open as if struggling to say something. Ray noticed this movement of course. How could he not, when he had been stealing looks at the older man while he was driving?

"Thanks for the ride," Ray interjected before Joel managed to get a word out.

It came out more of as a mumble, but contrasting starkly against the silence in the car, it was jarring even to Ray's ears and he couldn't help but wince slightly. Casting one last glance at Joel's unreadable expression, he got out of the car, into the downpour, pulling the hood on his hoodie up once again as he ran towards the front door of the complex.

"Wait, Ray!"

The younger man turned just a few steps away from shelter in surprise as he heard Joel's footsteps accompanying his, jogging slightly to catch up with him. The older man had apparently not thought about using the hood of his hoodie or even an umbrella, having decided to instead run head first into the rain. What a dumb idiot.

And then the universe decided to send Ray another message apparently, because just at the moment Ray was about to walk over to Joel and get him to get back in the car, Joel stepped into a large puddle and slipped.

Panic ran through Ray as he watched the older man fall, and fuck it, even if he was trying not to get close to Joel again, didn't mean he had to be a shitty friend about it, so he ran over to Joel and supported him up, walking him towards his apartment complex.

"Okay, you're staying with me till the rain's over."

The older man’s clothes were soaked from the fall. He could see Joel trying to hold back any groans of pain from the corner of his eye and immediately felt bad about the situation he had placed them in, because this was definitely his fault. Joel got hurt because of him.

Ray worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he carried both of their weights to the elevator, then down the hallway to his apartment, unlocking the door in one swift motion and settling Joel down on his couch.

He left the older man resting there while he ran to his bedroom to get supplies. He didn't even know how to take care of his own self, how was he going to take care of another human being, one who really needed his help right then?

_Oh my god, what do I need to take care of an injury? Do I need ointment? Do I even have ointment? How about painkillers? Where did I put them again..._

Thus proceeded the rather long process of Ray fumbling about his drawers for items and managing to amass quite a lot of things, balancing them precariously on his arms while making his way back to the living room.

Joel took one look at him and laughed.

"I mean, I could really do with just a towel and some painkillers, but yeah sure, if you want to play nurse..." Joel said with a playful smirk on his face.

Ray felt his face heat up as he gaped at Joel's comment, carefully placing down his things on the coffee table in the living room before running back to his bathroom to grab a clean, warm towel for Joel to use, and one for himself as well. When he returned to the living room, Joel was already helping himself to the painkillers and took the towel from Ray with a smile that the younger man found himself easily reciprocating.

Things were easy again. They were at least on friendly terms again. The butterflies in Ray's stomach were back aga-

A sneeze. And then another.

"Well, shit."

***

Joel always believed he was the more confusing one among the two of them. He was the more complicated one, the one who could decide if he could hide his feelings or wear them on his sleeve like Ray did, the one who had more adventures with life, the one who had gone through so much more than the younger man currently taking care of the bruising on his hip from the fall. But he realized that Ray was confusing to him as well.

The confusing feelings he had for Ray aside, he had been confused by the changes in Ray's attitude towards him for the past week. They were okay, then better than okay, then not okay, then okay again. But at least now they were at the 'okay' stage so Joel had nothing to worry about. Running after Ray in the rain had been worth it apparently.

He hissed when Ray pressed the ointment to the darkened bruise again, watching the younger man frown in response. The rain outside had stopped already, but the darkness remained as the sun set quietly without any one of them noticing. Joel was sat on Ray’s couch in the same position he had found himself in when he was supported by Ray into the apartment, except he had his pants pulled down to his knees so that Ray could treat his injuries.

It wasn't like Ray hadn’t seen him without pants before (he inwardly smirked at the thought), but the way Ray was applying the ointment with such delicate care and soft touches sent a shiver up Joel’s body and made him flush. After a confusing few days apart, the intimacy of their contact was almost electrifying, stirring something in Joel’s stomach that he refused to acknowledge.

“Right, so, um,” The younger man’s voice interrupted Joel’s train of thoughts, snapping him awake, “Um, the rain has stopped, so you can uh, go home if… you want to. Or you could stay.”

Joel wasn’t sure if he had heard the last part properly, or if Ray had meant it, or if it was said out of habit. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his mind telling him to go because it was the polite thing to do, but his heart pulling him back and telling him to stay.

He could see the younger man’s expression falter, regret etching his features as he tried to take back what he said, taking Joel’s silence as rejection. “I mean, like, I’m sure you have other plans on a Friday night and I won’t stop y-”

“No, no, I want to stay.”

Joel said it with conviction, reaching out a hand to place gently on top of Ray’s, running his thumb over the back of Ray’s hand. He watched the younger man’s expression, and was relieved to find the gamer smiling at the contact.

He knew that he should probably use this as an opportunity to ask Ray properly and calmly about what had brought on the anger on Wednesday, and the silent treatment over the past few days, but the silence in the apartment seemed too thick for him to even want to try and worsen.

“So, um, Halo and takeout?”

“Halo and takeout.”

***

Ray wasn’t sure how they ended up in his bed, naked and flushed, breathing heavily and holding back moans.

The past few minutes seemed like a blur in that moment, and he wasn’t even sure who initiated it, but here he was, with Joel kneeling between his spread out legs and mouthing kisses down his collarbone.

Ray’s hands found Joel’s shoulders, gripping tightly, fingernails digging into his back as Joel’s mouth travelled south, making its way dangerously closer to Ray’s already leaking erection.

The older man continued to tease, licking a wet stripe down the side of Ray’s inner thigh, before biting down gently, inciting a mewl from the younger man below him. Ray swore he could feel Joel’s smirk against his skin as Joel continued to place bites along his thigh, forming bruises in its wake, causing the younger man to moan loudly and thrust his hips upwards in a desperate want for attention.

“Fuckin’... Joel, just do something already!” A whine escaped Ray’s throat, his eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment at his behaviour, his skin flushing an even deeper shade of red.

The ring of Joel’s laughter, the sound of him fumbling with the bedside cabinet and the pop of the uncapping of the bottle of lube were all music to Ray’s ears. He felt the familiar sensation of a lube covered finger entering him and curling against his prostate, the older man now so familiar with Ray’s body that he knew exactly what to do. He soon added a second finger, stretching for a short while before adding a third as Ray let out another desperate moan.

The younger man’s hands cupped Joel’s face and pulled him down for a searing kiss, all teeth and tongue, the older man using his unoccupied hand to run fingers through Ray’s locks. The movement of his other hand stilled for a moment as they were both too engrossed in the kiss, breaking apart only for air before their lips connected again.

Ray loved the way Joel tasted; of coffee, something vaguely like the Chinese takeout they just had, a hint of alcohol that Joel probably consumed hours before. Ray swiped his tongue across Joel’s lips and around his mouth, wanting to taste even more of Joel.

Letting out a low moan, Joel pulled his fingers out of Ray’s entrance and moved away from the kiss, sitting up and straddling the younger man as he tried to catch his breath while rolling a condom on his own length and applying lube, stroking up and down, moans escaping in ragged intervals.

The blissful look on the older man’s face, even though he was just stroking himself, was hypnotising and made Ray want to be the reason behind it.

His hands found the older man’s shoulders and gripped on to them tightly, nails digging slightly into the skin as he thrusted his hips up, rubbing his erection against Joel’s in a desperate bid to get him to hurry up. Joel got the hint quickly, lining himself up against Ray’s entrance and pushing in slowly at first, wanting to let Ray adjust, but the smaller had other plans, wildly pushing his hips up and down repeatedly.

“Shit, Ray-” Joel hissed, as he thrusted his hips in time to Ray’s own rough movement.

Ray continued to moan in sheer ecstasy, nails raking down Joel’s back, leaving faint red tracks in their wake.

Joel came first, lips crashing onto Ray’s again, the younger man swallowing his moans as he rode out his orgasm. Joel fisted a hand over Ray’s cock and he was gone, coming all over his chest, messes of come dripping down Joel’s hand.

***

They cleaned up quickly, and snuggled together in Ray’s comfy bed that was too-big-to-sleep-alone-in, but just-right-for-two. Joel draped an arm over Ray’s waist, his other arm bending behind the pillow he rested on. Ray had both of his arms wrapped around Joel’s waist, both bodies a fair distance away from each other, which was neither intimate nor platonic.

Just like they always told themselves they were.

Joel rubbed small soothing circles on the skin of Ray’s back, watching Ray yawn and smile lazily at him. The relative peace and quiet that they found themselves in presented to Joel the opportunity to talk about what had happened over the past few days with Ray, and the darkness of the room, lit only by the moonlight, made him feel more secure about baring his heart to Ray, and he dearly hoped Ray felt the same.

“You’ve been acting weird all week.” The words didn’t seem to convey clearly what he was intending to ask, or what he was expecting for an explanation, but Ray understood anyway, if the tightening of Ray’s grip around his waist was any hint.

“Not all week, actually. Just maybe the past 3 days.”

“...Yeah, that.”

Ray let out a nervous laugh, running a hand through his hair, and Joel’s hand reached up to grasp it firmly in his own, pulling it down so that Ray could look him in the eyes if he had something important to say. “Well, I just- I… didn’t really know what to expect out of this.”

Joel’s stomach dropped. “You’re saying this isn’t working anymore?”

“No! I just-” Ray ducked his head, letting out a shaky breath as Joel squeezed the younger man’s hand that was still in his, relief washing over him with that one word of protest, “I kind of forgot that we could like, see other people? I- It’s.. I’m dumb.”

_Were you jealous?_ The words were right on the tip of Joel’s tongue, but it seemed like it might break the peace in their situation and bring about a new wave of confusion and tension that Joel didn’t really want to face at that moment, so he bit the inside of his cheek, holding back his words though he really wanted to know.

“... And, anyway, I kind of have, uh, a date with the waiter from that dessert place from last week, so it’s all sorted out now.”

_Well, shit._

***

Ray fiddled with the buttons on his phone, nervously tapping his foot as he waited for the bus to reach his destination. His head was down, staring at the lock screen of his phone, which merely glared the time back at him.

The bus came to a stop, and Ray stepped off of it quickly, making quick strides towards the dessert place, then deciding to control his show of enthusiasm and take slower steps instead.

He was about half an hour early anyway.

Ray didn’t know why he had rushed out of his apartment that morning. Maybe it was because when he woke up in his bed and came face to face with a peacefully sleeping Joel, their noses touching and the positions of their arms, wrapped around each other, unchanged from when they went to sleep the previous night.

It wasn’t just the way their position seemed so domestic and intimate; it was mixture of that and the feelings of _oh no, I’m not going down this path of guessing at feelings again_ , and the irrepressible amount of guilt that ran through his entire body, because he found himself yet again in a situation he promised himself never to place again.

It was guilt induced by the fact that the way their bodies were touching and the way Joel looked sent a wave of warmth through his body, making him want to wake up every morning to the sight and feeling, and the panic of realising that that was blurring the lines yet again.

So he had left Joel sleeping soundly in his bed, and changed quietly into decent clothes before leaving for his… date. Ray walked into the ice cream parlour, shooting a grin at Cole who was still working the end of his shift, deciding to take a seat by the counter to wait.

He didn’t have to wait long before the blond walked over and placed a small cup of ice cream in front of him.

“It’s on me,” He said quietly, winking at the gamer before returning to cleaning up the countertop. Ray blushed and looked down at his ice cream, taking a small tentative scoop. He made a face at the emptied spoon; maybe he should have told Cole what his favourite ice cream flavour was.

When the waiter finished his shift, he changed out of his uniform and joined Ray at the booth, bringing with him an even larger ice cream bowl. They sat and made small, awkward talk, mostly about Ray explaining what he did for a living at Rooster Teeth, Cole telling him about college life and how the only video game he’d ever played was Portal (and even that reminded Ray of Joel).

“Well then, this is not going to work out,” Ray said teasingly, swiping another scoop of ice cream.

Cole merely reached over the table and pulled Ray’s spoon to his own mouth.

“You could always teach me how to play.” He said after pulling the now empty spoon from his lips, voice dropping dangerously low.

Ray stammered out a jumble of words that did not flow coherently and the college boy laughed.

Ray didn’t even know why he was getting so flustered over this. Maybe it was because this was the first explicit date with a guy that he was going on, but he believed he could attribute some of the nerves to how conflicted he was feeling inside, not knowing if it was the right thing to continue this date or not.

While he was enjoying himself, surprisingly, he could not shake the feeling that there was something missing, or something was wrong with him being on a date with Cole.

Before his thoughts could take him any further, his phone rang, Ray stammering out an apology to the waiter before picking it up. “Hello?”

“Ray? Can you please come home? I need you here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr over [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/91046516291/treacherous-05-09).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This hope is treacherous / This daydream is dangerous_

“Ray? Can you please come home? I need you here.”

Ray blushed, excusing himself from the table and making his way to the restroom in the corner.

Joel’s voice was hoarse and stuffy-sounding, making Ray frown a little. “Wha- what do you mean?”

“... I think I’m sick. I can’t feel my face.” The older man’s tired voice was accompanied by a cacophony of sneezing noises in the background, the sound making Ray wince.

“You’re still... you’re still at my apartment?”

There was a shuffling sound in the background, followed by another loud sneeze before another groan transmitted through the phone. “Yeah, I, uh, just woke up and you’re not here. What’s the deal with that?”

Remembering he was partly at fault for Joel’s sickness, since the man _had_ ran into the rain for Ray, coupled with a panicking feeling over Joel’s well-being, he agreed quickly to return home, ending the call with a click.

Ray stepped out of the restroom and immediately made eye contact with Cole, who was still waiting for his return eagerly at their booth. He wanted to smack himself on the forehead for nearly forgetting why he was even here in the first place. How was he suppose to weasel himself out of this now?

He made slow steps towards the booth, biting his lip as he contemplated how to let the other man down gently.

“I, uh,” he started off, scratching the back of his head with one hand and fixing the bottom of his shirt with the other, “I just, uh, got called to do some work.”

The lie came out more like a squeak, Ray barely looking Cole in the eyes, his lie continuing to ring in his own ears, face turning redder as he chastised himself for even being so bold as to lie like this. Luckily for him, the waiter seemed to take Ray’s word, shrugging, though Ray could see his posture slumping akin to disappointment, which piled onto Ray’s amount of guilt in his heart.

“Uh, next time maybe?” the gamer said quietly, continuing to avoid his gaze before leaving the ice cream parlour quickly, not wanting to say anything else that would make him seem more awkward.

Or hear anything that would make him even regret a little bit about leaving the place so that he could go to Joel instead.

***

It was the crazy concoction of confusion at seeing an empty bed in the morning, a twang of loneliness in his heart when he reached his arm over to the other side of the bed to be met with cold, empty sheets and the grumpy neediness that often arouse in him when he fell ill that inspired Joel to call Ray up that morning.

Now that Ray was kneeling next to the bed, elbows propped up on his side, the younger man’s head inches away from his own, he realised he didn’t exactly know what he wanted the other to do for him. Except, you know, take care of him and nurse him back to health and all that.

He wouldn’t even go so far as to trouble Ray to dress up in a nurse’s outfit. His dumb khakis and shirt with a nerd reference on it was good enough.

Then again, the whole nurse getup gave him ideas…

...Which would be saved for a later time when Joel wasn’t suffocating in his own mucus and other disgusting fluids.

The younger man squinted at him, studying Joel’s face and placing a hand gently on his forehead to gauge the older man’s temperature. Ray pulled back, getting up from his knees, choosing to stand beside the bed instead.

He folded his arms and cocked an eyebrow, sighing loudly. “Joel. You are a 42 year old grown man and are completely capable of taking care of yourself.”

Joel gave him a pout in return. “And you’re a 24 year old grown man completely capable of taking care of someone else. I don’t see how age plays into this.”

Ray let out another sigh and shuffled out of the room.

Joel frowned, thinking that Ray was going to abandon him again. Just as he was about to get up and actually take care of his own self, maybe getting some medicine if possible or at least something to fill his grumbling stomach when he heard the whistling of the kettle on Ray’s stove, sitting back in the bed with a triumphant grin on his face.

Despite Ray’s complaint, he was still going to take care of Joel. Perfect.

A few minutes later, after Joel managed to cocoon himself in the entirety of Ray’s sheets and lie back on the bed in a comfortable position, Ray returned to the bedroom. In his hands he held a tray consisting of hot tea, some digestive biscuits and a bowl of soup that Ray had no doubt gotten from a can.

“Aww, thanks. Where’s the flower arrangement that’s supposed to go with this?” Joel teased but took the tray anyway, placing it on his lap. He truly was grateful for the food, the way Ray had thoughtfully prepared his meal made his stomach do stupid little flip-flops.

Then again, it could have been the hunger talking.

Ray rolled his eyes, snickering before climbing into the bed next to Joel, sitting up so that their shoulders brushed, placing his own tray of lunchables in his lap so he could begin to munch on it.

The younger man turned to look at Joel and the man realised he had been staring at Ray instead of eating his food. He coughed nervously, blushing as he looked down at his soup and began to drink it up slowly.

“What, do you need me to feed you as well?” Ray asked teasingly.

Joel mumbled a “no” as they continued to eat in silence - surprisingly _comfortable_ silence - until Joel and Ray both finished off their meals, only Joel’s tea left unfinished.

Ray quietly lifted the tray off Joel’s lap, placing the cup of tea on top of the bedside drawers, moving off the bed to clear up in the kitchen, leaving Joel alone in the bed again.

The older man started to feel a little guilty for imposing on Ray like this and slowly untangled himself from the sheets, making his way to the kitchen to watch Ray whilst he cleaned the cutlery and crockery. The gamer was surprisingly clean and neat for someone of his age, beating stereotypes of gamers in general, which made Joel smile a little as he kept his eyes on the younger man.

Ray turned to look at him and gave him a curious stare in return as he dried his hands. “Are you- are you going home already?”

Joel merely blinked back at the younger man, his brain trying to catch up with the question he had been asked. “I, uh, I probably should? I mean I… I feel bad for pulling you away from whatever you were doing. I feel well enough to go home on my own now at least.”

The younger man shrugged, walking past him into the living room and starting up his Xbox.

“You didn’t really interrupt me from much,” he said, staring at his television screen. He seemed to hesitate for a second, before he pulled out two controllers instead of one from under his coffee table, “You could, uh, stay if you wanted to.”

Of course Joel wanted to. He wanted to sit on the couch and act like a giant baby, playing up his sickness as much as he could so that he would have the excuse to bury his face in Ray’s neck as they played video games. He wanted to curl his legs up against his chest and lean his entire body on Ray.

Joel didn’t even have time to think about the implications of what he was doing before he was making his way over to the couch, taking the other controller from Ray and seating himself right next to Ray.

The younger man’s eyes lit up in surprise, Joel noting the small smile gracing his features.

Ray coughed, turning his attention back to the screen, before speaking, “I mean, I don’t want you to like, die at my doorstep or something cause you’re too sick to move. I can’t go to jail, man.”

“Can’t go back to your previous life?” Joel replied teasingly.

“Shit, that was a secret, man. Now I’ll have to kill you for knowing,” Ray said, turning to grin at Joel for a brief second before starting up the game.

As Joel returned the grin with one of his own, he decided he _would_ leave. Eventually. Now was just not the time.

***

“So what was it that you were busy with this morning?”

The question seemed to come out of nowhere, but Ray could tell Joel was genuinely curious about the answer.

It was evening now, and Joel was feeling a _lot_ better (or so he said), after Ray dragged him to the bathroom to take a shower in the afternoon and made him take some medicine he had gone to the convenience store across the street to get.

Ray fidgeted, playing with the strings on his hoodie. “I was, uh, on a date with the waiter from that ice cream place.”

“Oh.”

When the younger man looked up, he was surprised to see a hardened look on the older man’s face, but it quickly softened into Joel’s usual tired look, making Ray not sure if it was just a figment of his (hopeful) imagination or not.

“That’s- that’s really great, Ray. I’m happy you’re finally growing some wings and flying out of the nest. Little Ray is all grown up now,” Joel said in a teasing voice, which made Ray shove him lightly in the shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m finally getting some proper action. My dry streak is over!”

“Hey now; don’t tell me that _I_ don’t matter!”

Ray laughed, accompanying Joel to the lift lobby of his apartment.

“I never said that!” he retorted with a grin.

When the lift arrived and rattled open, Joel waved goodbye, stepping into the lift quietly with a warm smile on his face that Ray could consider fond. It sent a warmth through Ray’s body, and he couldn’t help but let out a small sigh as he waved back.

“For the record,” Ray said as the doors of the lift were closing shut, “you do matter to me, you dumb idiot.”

He watched as Joel exhaled sharply, the expression of surprise on his face melting into a grin as he mouthed, ‘yeah, I know’.

***

“So how was your date on Saturday?” Michael had turned his chair a full ninety degrees so that he could look at Ray and wait for his response.

The man in question paused his game, swallowing visibly before turning to face his best friend. He should have known he would be questioned on it on Monday. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Michael about the date at all.

“I, uh- it went well?”

Ray didn’t mean for his voice to break and go into a squeak at the last word, but his voice did anyway, and of course made Michael raise an eyebrow, clearly seeing through Ray’s mask of calm and picking up on his nervousness.

“... But?”

“But… I, uh,” the Puerto Rican continued, eyes briefly glancing around the office to spot any eavesdroppers on their conversation, of which there were none, “I left early.”

Michael let out a huge sigh as if he knew that was going to happen. “Did the guy turn out to be a total ass?”

Ray shook his head quickly. “Nah, it’s just- I, uh, had to go and meet up with Joel.”

The redhead pursed his lips into a frown, eyebrows knitting at Ray’s admission.

He turned back to face the computer screen, putting on his headphones and turning his head to face Ray again. “We’re- no scratch that, _you’re_ going to talk to me about it over lunch.”

_Great._

Michael spent the entire lunch hour muttering angrily to Ray about how he was going down a slippery slope and how if he continued to allow himself to be _used_ by Joel (what a ugly word to use, Michael) he would end up being the only one hurt. He also nagged on about how Ray ought to be more careful with how he let his ‘relationship’ with Joel progress. He warned how Ray would find himself stuck on Joel, unable to move on, especially if things between the two of them went sour.

Ray slammed both his palms down on the diner table at that, shooting an intense glare at the redhead, whose mouth opened in shock before he immediately went quiet. He had just about enough with the accusations that were flying out of his best friend’s mouth, and he honestly didn’t want to hear over and over again about how big of a mistake he was making.

“I don’t- I don’t know how I feel about Joel, and he’s not m- making use of me, it’s not that. If anything, we’re both making use of each other.”

“That’s not making your situation any better-”

“I know. I _know_ , Michael, but when we have our good times I’m happy, and I don’t- don’t know if I’m ready to commit- I don’t know if what I’m feeling is- I just, I don’t know, alright, Michael? I don’t know.”

Michael let out another sigh, a sound that Ray was becoming more and more accustomed to hearing lately, and reached over the table to pat Ray’s hand. “Have you considered just asking him about it? Does he… does _he_ have any feelings for _you_?”

Ray moved his hands to his lap and looked downwards, blushing hard as he actually thought about it for once. He had been so preoccupied with his own confusion over whether he wanted to be in a proper relationship with Joel, that he had forgotten to factor in the fact that _Joel_ had a stake in this ‘relationship’ too.

He stayed quiet for a long while, which prompted Michael to speak up again. “I just, you know, I don’t want you to get hurt, Ray.”

“Don’t worry, Joel won’t hurt me. I won’t let myself get hurt anyway.”

Michael let out another long sigh, that sounded more defeated than anything. “If you say so, I guess.”

That night Ray lay in bed, tossing and turning in his bare sheets as his mind raced miles per minute, filling with unwanted thoughts, especially at 2am in the morning. He groaned and turned his body over for what seemed like the millionth time, he just couldn’t seem to get comfortable enough.

The conversation with Michael that afternoon had left a dark cloud looming over his head, constantly raining on him what Michael had talked relentlessly about during their lunch. He just couldn’t keep the thoughts out of his head, no matter how much Pokémon he played to distract himself.

He reached for his phone, sent a half-angry, half-joking text to Michael along the lines of “fuck you”, and continued to scroll idly through the archive of messages in his phone.

His finger paused on the thread with Joel, thumb pressing on the screen to open it up, and scrolling all the way to the bottom of their text message history. He looked through their very first few text conversations with each other (messages asking for directions, messages complimenting each other about their videos, etc..), and started to scroll further downwards, giggling to himself at some old conversations and jokes, eventually reaching the bottom of the thread with a smile on his face.

The smile on his face faded quickly when he remembered why he was awake looking through old texts in the first place. He buried his head further into the pillow as much as he physically could, curling upon himself as he tried to lull himself to sleep by keeping his mind as blank as possible.

It didn’t work. He couldn’t shake the sense of loneliness that ran through his body; the same one that he had been feeling on nights without Joel.

***

It frustrated Joel to no end that he couldn’t seem to make sense of what was happening between him and Ray anymore.

Ray had honestly become one of Joel’s closest friends, the younger man being able to say the right words to calm Joel down when he was particularly stressful, knowing all his little quirks, his likes and dislikes, making Joel comfortable enough to confide in him things he wouldn’t dream of telling Jack or Adam.

After that one night at the bar when they had sex for the first time, their relationship had been rocky for most parts. He thought after the whole incident with him falling sick and Ray taking care of him, that their rapport was built back up and that their so-called ‘friendship’, for a lack of a more appropriate term, was going to be much stronger than before.

Instead, Ray had been much more hesitant in interacting with him in the office and had been definitely less spontaneous.

Joel still held tightly onto Ray, asking him out regularly, but not too much to get other people suspicious. He wondered if this was him being selfish, that maybe he should keep his distance from Ray, since the younger man had definitely become more withdrawn over the past 2 weeks. He wondered idly if this was Ray’s way of telling him that he was getting bored of the older man, that he didn’t need his company anymore. Anyway, Joel remembered bitterly, Ray had been going out on dates with other people.

This was why Joel didn’t want to go into the dating game and mess around with feelings and commitment; people were unpredictable and always left him.

But Ray _was_ the one who made the first move in finding him at the bar on a particular night that all the employees were out celebrating the deal with Stage 5. Joel began to think that maybe Ray’s aloofness was nothing to do with him and that maybe something had made Ray upset and moody for the past few weeks.

_Great_. Now Joel felt even more guilty for not finding out what was bothering Ray.

It partly didn’t matter now because Ray was currently grinning at him, subtly touching his hand and making Joel’s heart skip a beat. The younger man’s coy look made him squirm and lick his lips, making him want to drag him to the bathroom of this club immediately, taking him there and then.

Joel’s arm snaked around Ray’s waist, grinning back at the younger man. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Michael and Gavin interrupted them.

This night was beginning to remind him a lot of the night when this had all started.

He called the bartender for a shot, (he didn’t care for what he would be given; he just needed some alcohol in his veins to fill his brain with a buzz so that he didn’t have to think too much for at least the rest of the night.) Joel quickly downed it and called for another, grabbing it speedily before being jostled by Burnie and Matt towards the booth they were in.

They were trying to be wingmen, the two nudging Joel and direct his attention to the patrons they found to be attractive.

It didn’t work very well, however, because Joel would always find his gaze lingering back on Ray as he laughed along with rest of the Achievement Hunter crew.

Joel drank his shot in annoyance; just because he was one of the only ones among the older staff members of the company to not have any sort of relationship, did not mean he was actively looking for one.

Besides, he already had Ray.

_No, no, no- not Ray._ He shook his head wildly, trying to shake away the thoughts that were creeping back to his mind. Ray wasn’t his. He wasn’t Ray’s boyfriend. Ray was supposed to date cute, young, energetic, interesting men (like the waiter from that ice cream place, Joel considered bitterly), not _him_.

He didn’t realise he had muttered his thoughts out loud until Burnie nudged him in the side and said in a low voice, “ 'Not Ray'? What was that about? Oh, you’ve got your eye on _Ray_ , huh?”

“Wh- what? No- you two are ridiculous, I would never- No,” Joel replied hastily, slurring his words a little.

Burnie raised a sceptical eyebrow at Joel, while Matt passed him a bottle of beer, which he accepted gratefully.

Maybe it was a little too much alcohol, because the next thing he knew, he had girls surrounding him, Burnie and Matt were nowhere to be found.

He squinted around the room in search of a familiar face, any familiar face, but his eyes somehow locked straight on Ray as the younger man stood still amongst the crowd of dancing bodies, eyes locked back onto Joel’s.

The younger man’s expression was hard to see amongst the haziness that the alcohol brought, and the strobe lights that danced around the room didn’t help, making his head swim a little, so Joel broke their eye contact and frowned down at the one remaining girl that still clung onto his side. The others must have scattered when Joel wasn't paying enough attention to them.

This girl was pretty- a brunette with an almost shy smile on her face and a sweet voice that was whispering in his ear, bluntly asking him to take her home. He smiled down at her and began to reciprocate her coming onto him, liquid courage helping him form sentences that flew out of his mouth before his brain could intercept.

The next thing he knew, he was making his way out of the club, the brunette still tucked under his arm as he waved goodbye to the rest of the staff, a wide grin on his face.

Then he locked eyes again on Ray, and this time he could see Ray's expression extremely clearly. It was as though the whole room had stopped, the lights stopped flashing, and Ray was in the center of it all, in a single spotlight.

Joel could see the way Ray's jaw tightened, his gaze radiating a sort of fire, and his lips... his lips were quivering, his arms shaking though they were locked tightly with each other across his chest.

Joel didn't have much time to think about what it implied before he was being shoved and pulled out of the bar.

***

Michael was right.

Here he was. 

And somehow, Ray thought bitterly as he turned towards a darker corner of the room, wiping a hot tear from the corner of his eye with the back of his hand, he had let himself be hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr over [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/92056224551/treacherous-06-09).


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And all we are is skin and bone trained to get along / Forever going with the flow, but you're friction_

Ray registered being quickly directed to the bathroom of the club; through eyes that were blurred with tears, he managed to make out the Link tattoo on Michael’s arm and the redhead lowering his head so that he could look at Ray directly in the eyes. The younger man continued to keep his head down to hide his expression.

“Ray…”

“I’m fine, Michael. I’m f-f-fine.”

Michael didn’t say anything, maybe because he didn’t know what to say. Ray didn’t think anything that Michael could have said would have helped at that moment anyway.

The Puerto Rican lurched forwards towards the sink in front of him, gripping onto the porcelain tightly as he let out a strangled noise. The pain from the way his palms scratched against the grainy surface on the sink was no match to the inferno inside his heart, the one that burned his emotions raw and seemed to tear at everything inside of him.

He wasn’t known to be one that cried often and the overwhelming sensation he was experiencing was something so foreign to him that it was scary. Ray just couldn’t think straight, leading to the uncontrollable trickling of tears down his face.

Michael stood beside Ray, one arm wrapped around his waist, the older man reaching to turn on the tap so that Ray could have access to water to wash up. Ray took one glance at the mirror and winced, not used to seeing the puffiness on his eyelids and the pinks that lined them. At least he was considerably clean when he cried, not much snot on his face, but the damage he was showing was still disconcerting.

Ray splashed his face quickly with water, trying to wash away any evidence he had been crying, but the redness of his eyes still gave it away. Maybe the poor lighting in the club would help to conceal some of that. In the darkness he could put on a happy face by forcing a smile and no one would notice the difference.

"Okay. I'm fine. Let's go back to the rest." His voice still sounded stuffy from the crying.

"Wait, wait," Michael said quickly, putting an arm out in front of Ray's chest to stop him from walking out, "are you sure you don't want to just...  go home or something?"

"Nah," the voice that came out of Ray seemed distant, like it was detached from his own body, "I said I'm fine."

The redhead let out an exasperated noise, hand still up to prevent Ray from walking away. “You don’t have to face the rest. We can just slip out if you want to.”

The brunette turned towards his best friend, hands shaking as he removed his glasses and wiped them using the bottom of his shirt, looking down as he mumbled, “No, I’m _fine_. I- I want to stay.”

"Well, alright," Michael sighed, putting down his hand and stepping behind Ray. "You worry me sometimes, you know."

"Even more than Gavin does?" the younger man joked weakly as he pushed open the bathroom door, the loud booming sounds of the club coming through the door.

Michael rolled his eyes, but still threw a worried glance over at Ray as they walked out together to find Lindsay and the rest of their friends. Ray understood why Michael would be worried, especially since Michael had an idea of how Ray felt about Joel.

But enough of that, anyway, Ray decided.

Joel had clearly shown him tonight that he had no care for Ray’s feelings and was taking this with no strings attached. Ray was the one who stupidly decided to grow an attachment to the older man.

Michael’s voice broke through his thoughts as he delivered a reply.

"Both of you are idiots. But in different ways."

***

There was something wrong with Ray again.

Scratch that, there was something wrong _between_ him and Ray again. He was much surer about it this time than he was two nights before.

And Joel still couldn’t figure out what it was.

Ray had been avoiding his texts and calls all weekend, at first Joel worried that something bad might have happened to Ray, but when he logged onto Twitter and saw Ray actively tweeting and even live streaming, his worries quickly vanished, sending relief through his nerve-wracked mind.

He decided to catch one of Ray’s streams for the first time, he was still bothered by the fact that Ray had decided to abandon him for the weekend and not tell him about it. He wondered if he was thinking too much into it; maybe Ray was tired or had other plans that weekend?

_Maybe he’s finally getting tired of you and no longer wants to see you._

Joel shook that thought out of his head as the stream went online and Ray was settling into his chair, setting up his game on the screen. Joel couldn’t help but smile a little at the small face cam window of tired-looking Ray, in yet another Rooster Teeth related t-shirt. (Did he even own anything other than company merchandise and video game related shirts?)

He didn’t care for the game that Ray was playing (he saw someone in the office playing it once), but he did find himself enjoying listening to Ray.

There were certainly many people declaring their love for Ray, and every time Ray laughed and told them that he loved them too, Joel felt a pang in his heart.

Was it jealousy? Was he jealous of Ray getting so much attention and giving so much attention to his fans? Did he wish that the attention were directed to him instead? Was he jealous that he would never hear the same words uttered out of Ray’s mouth, directed towards him? There was no chance in hell Ray would ever decide that he wanted to be with someone like Joel.

Shaking those thoughts away, Joel opened up his emails in a separate tab as he continued to listen to Ray talk, answer questions and make weird noises while playing. He found that he worked surprisingly well with Ray’s voice in the background. An hour had passed and Joel had somehow managed to get all his work done.

Joel switched back to watching Ray’s stream once he was finished with the emails. He licked his lower lip in contemplation if he should make his presence in the stream known to Ray. Was it going to be weird? He couldn’t really understand why his palms were sweating like he was nervous blushing schoolgirl asking her crush out on a date, like he was another one of those fans who desperately wanted to get Ray to notice them.

He decided on a more direct approach, by sending Ray a text message instead.

(21:40)  
 _Hey, I’m watching your stream. :)_

Joel quickly pressed send and waited for Ray’s reaction. Then he frowned and realised that Ray might not even have his phone with him-

He watched as Ray looked to the side of his table as the game entered a cut scene, and saw him pull a small object to his lap, which Joel guessed was his phone. That made the older man grin widely, anticipating Ray’s reaction to the message.

He was sorely disappointed when Ray merely frowned at it and put it away with a cough, eyes flickering to the camera then back to the game. That made Joel frown as well; did Ray send him a reply that he wasn’t getting? Was Ray going to reply him later instead?

Bored and impatient was a bad combination for Joel. He had expected Ray to, at least, given him a shout-out or something. His efforts seemed to have been for naught.

Joel decided to try again at sending Ray a text message, timing it such that he sent it during yet another cutscene.

(21:54)  
 _Heyyyy. Hey. HEY._

Still no reaction. Ray merely turned his head to look at his phone for a second, before looking back at the chat box for his stream and answering questions.

Maybe Joel should have asked a question too.

 

(21:56)  
 _Want to come over to my place when you’re done?_

_That_ caught Ray’s attention. The older man watched with a large grin of triumph as Ray shifted in his seat, looking flustered, and reached for his phone to type out a reply.

(21:56)  
No.

A blow to Joel’s ego.

The older man huffed in annoyance as he closed the stream as an act of defiance, getting up from his computer chair and deciding to throw himself face first into the couch instead.

(21:59)  
 _Why not?_

(22:00)  
Just...  no.

Another blow to his ego.

Joel was confused as to what had happened with Ray and what in the world had brought on the sudden aloofness. He wanted Ray to tell him straight to his face what was the problem, but it seemed like Ray was someone who liked taking a roundabout way to facing his problems, which was an issue. Ray was so confusing and yet Joel found himself filling his own head with Ray, Ray, and more Ray.

The older man groaned and covered his face with his hands as he sighed into the emptiness of his apartment. Since when had he become so preoccupied with Ray and become so reliant on him for company? He removed his hands from his face and began to scroll through his contacts, looking for someone who he might want to meet up with this late into the night. The friends he could think of, like Jack and Adam and even Burnie, had wives and girlfriends to accompany them into the night.

That wave of loneliness that came with that realisation made Joel’s finger itch to find Ray’s name and give him a call, but if Ray’s curt reply was any indication, he wanted nothing to do with Joel either.

(22:00)  
I'm sorry.

(22:11)  
 _I understand._

***

“Some of the people on Tumblr seem to think something’s up with you.”

Ray pulled down his headphones (he didn’t even plug them in. What the hell was he doing?) and turned to look at Lindsay. “What?”

She shrugged, settling down in Michael’s empty chair and crossed her arms across her chest. “I got a message from someone on Tumblr the other day asking if you were okay. Seems like you were being really quiet lately on Lets Plays? And I thought about it, and I realised that yeah, I haven’t been receiving as much audio from you lately.”

Ray raised his eyebrows, heart sinking to his stomach. Was he really being that obvious that the viewers could even tell by his audio that he wasn’t feeling well as of late? He noticed Lindsay’s smile fading into a frown at his hesitation so he quickly forced a smile onto his face and shrugged, turning away so he wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes.

“I have no idea where they got that idea from.”

"Ray… Come on, you can talk to me!"

"I'm just... tired? Tell them I'm tired."

That sounded unconvincing even to his own self, so naturally Lindsay wanted to press him further. He could see her opening her mouth to ask him something but was interrupted when Michael came into the room, Gavin and Ryan in tow, causing a racket in the previously quiet room.

Ray shot her an apologetic look, and Lindsay simply patted Ray’s shoulder as she stood up, saying quietly, “I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to,” before making her way to her fiancé.

The Puerto Rican let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, placing his headphones back on and remembering to plug them in this time. He drummed his fingers idly on the table, choosing not to participate in the lively conversation behind him. He was in no mood to, wondering when he would be able to get himself out of this funk.

***

Even Caboose would have more finesse in sneaking than Joel had, leaning against the wall just around the corner from where the Achievement Hunter office was, listening out for people saying their goodbyes and hoping to catch the one young Puerto Rican he had been desperately trying to contact for the past few days.

Mondays already sucked in theory (Joel was pretty sure it was a universal agreement that Mondays were _the worst_ ) and not seeing Ray the past weekend was driving Joel crazy, making his stress levels go up even higher than usual. It was the combination of both not having any way to relieve his normal stress levels, and the added stress of trying to figure out why was Ray acting so strangely.

He needed answers, and apparently, Joel’s brain decided this was the best time to get them.

Ryan had walked past him to get to the warehouse, giving him a strange look but not commenting on Joel's awkward stance. He had heard Lindsay and Michael leave, as well as Jack, Geoff and Gavin.

By a simple process of elimination, that meant that Ray was the only one left in the office. Perfect.

Okay, the plan _wasn’t_ perfect, but it worked, and somehow he ended up lightly pushing the younger man back into the office just as he was taking a step out.

“What the f- Joel?”

Joel let go of Ray’s shoulders and scratched the back of his head, giving Ray a sheepish grin. “Uh, yes?”

He could see the younger man’s brown eyes flicker with something before he blinked and stepped backwards, away from Joel. That made Joel reach out instinctively for Ray, but it only served to make the younger man want to create more distance between them.

Joel bit his lip, waiting for the younger man to say something. He didn’t exactly think this through, and he didn’t know how to follow up, especially since Ray had obviously chosen to close himself off from Joel.

He watched as Ray clenched his fists at his sides, glaring up at him, taking a deliberate step towards him. “Joel, move. Let me go home.”

Joel was taken aback by the sharpness in Ray’s tone.

It pierced into his heart like a thread cutter on a sewing machine, pulling his heart apart by the seams. “I don’t- I… I just want to know what’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong with what?”

“What’s wrong between us! I don’t understand- You’ve- I just-” Joel bit his lower lip as he stared down at the younger man, who had his arms wrapped around his body as if to protect himself, and Joel badly wanted to step forward and replace those arms with his own.

There was a long bout of silence; both of them attempting to gather their bearings and figure out what to say.

Ray's shaky voice came through.  “Joel, I don’t think… I don’t think _we’re_ working anymore.”

_What?_

“L-look, okay, maybe at first when I agreed to this I wasn’t thinking straight- we both weren’t- and I just wanted someone to fuck but I can’t- I need to move- I need to uh, not do this anymore.”

“We’re not working anymore?” Joel repeated, the words tasting bitter on his tongue.

The younger man just nodded and took another step towards Joel again, this time reaching an arm out so that he could squeeze Joel’s arm in a sort of comforting manner.

“I mean, like, it’s about time both of us stopped scr-screwing around with each other. You’ve got… your life to lead, and you can’t... let me become a burden to you.”

_You’re not a burden to me._ The words were stuck in his throat, and amongst the confusing sensations he was experiencing and the jumble in his head, he didn’t know what was the right and appropriate thing to think or say anymore.

“So… we’re b-back to being friends? Just friends?”

The younger man nodded, his lips pulled into a thin line, gaze not meeting Joel’s.

Joel could feel his heart in his throat, and his brain almost refusing to admit defeat, continuing to race with ideas on how to salvage the situation.

How to salvage _them_.

Ray stood closer to Joel, still refusing to make eye contact. He was still jittery and his voice was still shaky, and Joel thought it sounded like the younger man was close to crying.

“H-how about one more time, just for good luck?”

***

The bedroom door swung shut, and shirts were thrown onto the floor in one swift motion.

Ray pulled away from Joel, leaning his forehead against the other’s to catch his breath before he felt the older man’s lips on his neck, creating a wonderfully warm and wet sensation that sent spikes of pleasure through his body, causing him to arch into the touch.

Ray let out a long moan and he dug his fingernails down Joel’s back as the older man continued to mouth on his pressure points, licking in the dips of Ray's collarbone and eventually Ray’s hands found themselves in the belt loops of Joel’s jeans.

Two clicks, a swish and a pulled down zip later, Joel’s jeans were loose from his waist, prompting Ray to move away again, getting down on his knees to pull the jeans down and mouth Joel’s cock through the fabric of his boxers.

“Fuck, Ray,” Joel gasped out, hands in the younger man’s hair, his long fingers threading through the dark strands and pulling, eliciting a gasp from the man below him.

Ray was grunting and licking in an almost obscene manner, tracing the outline of his penis with the tips of his tongue. He continued to respond vocally to the tugs of his hair that the older man was providing and stopped to bat his eyelashes up at Joel. He knew that was one of the older man’s weaknesses, and that was proven right when he found himself being pulled up and carried lightly to the bed, the older man expertly removing Ray’s cargo shorts and boxers, both easily stepping out of their bottoms.

Ray legs secured themselves around Joel’s waist immediately once his back hit the mattress, rutting his bare lower half against Joel’s still covered erection, an involuntary whining noise escaping his throat. This made Joel laugh, and Ray could feel the rumbling from where Joel attached his lips to Ray’s chest, mouthing kisses down his sternum, to his stomach, and then licking a stripe up Ray’s erection teasingly, making the younger man’s toes curl.

Ray pawed at Joel’s boxers as the older man continued to tease by mouthing over his nipples, the younger man’s hands slipping under the material, snapping the elastic against skin.

Joel got the hint immediately and sat up, removing his mouth from Ray’s chest with a loud pop. He pulled off his boxers slowly, eyes roaming over the body of the man below him.

Ray reckoned he must have looked like a mess, wanton with need, lips swollen from the make out session on the taxi ride over to the apartment, saliva glistening on his neck and chest, his chest heaving up and down in heavy motions, his erection reddened to an impressive shade, contrasting starkly to his pale body.

Joel looked depraved too with the way he was staring at Ray, making Ray lean up to pull the older man down by the shoulders so that their lips could meet again and so the younger could continue using his tongue to explore Joel’s mouth.

Joel lifted the younger man’s legs above his shoulders, and reached in vain for the side drawers, too far from reach. Ray eventually had to reach over and pass him the bottle of lube and the wrapped condom while gently nibbling on Joel's lower lip, causing the older man to groan.

Ray threw his head back when he felt two fingers, slick with lube, circle the rim of his entrance before pushing in slowly. Joel pulled back so he could watch as Ray started to fuck himself on the older man’s fingers, thrusting in a steady rhythm, fingernails gripping so tightly onto Joel’s shoulders he was afraid it might break into skin.

He let out the most wanton moan when he finally got the angle right and Joel’s fingers found Ray’s prostate. Joel continued to hit that same angle for the few subsequent thrusts of his fingers, sending the most amazing waves of pleasure through the younger man's body, until he stopped and breathed out shakily in a warning, “I’m going to come soon.”

Joel nodded, removing his fingers completely, which elicited another loud moan from the younger man as he searched for some sort of contact, lifting his hips towards Joel. Joel complied quickly to Ray's need, rolling on the condom and applying a generous amount of lube, rubbing his own erection to stimulate his own self.

Ray could see the older man taking in one sharp breath, and their eyes locked onto each other’s before Joel finally thrusted in.

The significance of this final night finally sank in for Ray and he felt his heart sink while he was being fucked, which brought on a strange mix of emotions.

He continued to keep eye contact with Joel, breathing shakily. He ran his fingers up and down Joel’s sides, savouring whatever last physical contact like this they were ever going to have. Joel was muttering praises interspersed with cursing every time Ray decided to roll his hips up, and Ray hoped he would at least remember the way the older man would come undone on nights when he would feel lonely.

“Joel, fuck,” Ray gasped out as he came, the white substance covering both of their chests. Joel moaned out Ray’s name amidst a stream of curses as he released shortly after.

As Joel pulled out of Ray and lay down next to him, the younger man could feel his heart throb with a dull ache, and a bubbling in his throat with what he believed were tears.

They lay next to each other in silence for the next few minutes, trying to catch their breaths, until the silence becoming almost deafening. Joel could feel it too, shifting uncomfortably next to him. Ray watched from the corner of his eye as Joel sat up, picked up his clothes and began putting them back on. Ray’s legs refused to move, even though his heart screamed for him to, and he could only watch helplessly as Joel prepared to leave.

What he didn’t expect was for Joel to make his way back to the bed, leaning over to brush away Ray’s bangs and kissing him gently on the forehead.

“Take care of yourself, alright?” the older man whispered, before stepping away.

Ray nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the sound of the front door closing, so jarringly loud in his head it made him jump. He reached over the bedside table for his phone, typing out a few messages with shaking fingers, before pressing send and burying his head into his pillow to try and get some sleep.

(23:45)  
Hey, Michael.

(23:46)  
Why does this feel like a breakup?

(23:46)  
Why does my heart feel like it’s broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr. My url is ahwuu.
> 
> Cross posted to tumblr [over here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/93115436286/treacherous-07-09)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I hear the sound of my own voice / Asking you to stay_

It was only when Lindsay somehow managed to corner him in the pantry that he realised that he had _maybe_ been wearing his heart on his sleeve a little too much.

“Okay, Ray, talk now.”

A _strong_ maybe.

“I, uh… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ray stammered as he tried to inch his way out of the radius of Lindsay’s intense stare. It seemed to be drilling into his very soul, the redhead having him cornered in such a way that no escape route was possible.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, letting out a huff of breath, eyes narrowing down at the shorter man.

“You know what I’m talking about. I asked the same thing you about days ago. Ray, even the fans are starting to notice that you’re a bit off lately,” she said, quietly, eyes darting to the entrance of the pantry to check if anyone was listening in on their conversation, “and while I respect your privacy and your need for space, it’s really unsettling when I realise that you have been really ‘out-of-it’ lately, and your mood doesn’t seem to be getting any better.”

Ray merely offered her a shrug, his throat caught in a lump, words unable to fall out of his mouth in a coherent manner.

He knew Lindsay had the best intentions for him, but he had already screwed up one friendship and he was not about to screw up another. She was probably one of the most open-minded people he knew, but he still had that niggling worry in the back of his mind that she would judge him for his actions somehow, that letting the cat out of the bag would lead to everyone finding out, and Ray couldn’t have that.

He was already having a tough enough time avoiding Joel.

“It’s just- I- I screwed up really, _really_ bad, Lindsay.” His voice was weak and almost pleading, and honestly, he hated how it came out.

Lindsay was right; he really was out of it.  Jesus.

She made a humming noise as she considered that information. “Is there any way you can fix whatever this situation is?”

“I don’t- I don’t think so.”

“Do you want me to help you fix it?”

Ray’s eyes widened, his arm shooting out to land on hers.

“ _God_ , no. I just- maybe it’s something that shouldn’t be fixed,” he said, dropping his arm to land limply on his side as he sighed.

Ray hung his head down so he wouldn’t have to face Lindsay’s fiery and determined stare.

“Hey, fuckers, what’s up? Oh, and hi, Lindsay,” Michael’s booming voice came through as he grinned widely and walked into the pantry. He made his way over to his fiancée and casually put his arm around her.

Ray lifted up his head to look briefly at Lindsay, turning his attention to Michael and almost immediately after Michael caught a glimpse of both of their expressions Michael’s smile dropped into a concerned frown. “What the fuck happened?”

The Puerto Rican waved his hand in a nonchalant manner, darting his eyes away. “Nothing, just the same old-”

“Ray’s been acting really withdrawn lately and I’m trying to find out why.”

Ray lifted his head to give a tiny glare at Lindsay and tried shrug it off. He knew it was futile; however, considering this was _Michael_ he was trying to convince.

He watched as a look of realisation washed over his best friend’s face, and Ray groaned inwardly because he had somehow found himself stuck in a situation where Lindsay would find out what was going on too.

“Oh. _Oh_. Uh, Lindsay, let me talk to him, okay?”

Lindsay seemed to sense the tension brewing and nodded slowly before backing away and leaving to go back to her desk.

“I’m fine, Michael-”

“ _No_ , no, you’re not,” Michael said firmly, crossing his arms in front of his chest, adopting the same stance that Lindsay took before, “You’re not okay and you need to learn to get over him, because it’s making you spiral down into fuckin’...  fuckin’ withdrawal, and that’s horrible, Ray.”

“I know Lindsay wants the best-”

“Exactly that!” Michael said, trying to keep his voice as low as possible so that no one would accidentally overhear their conversation, but it was evident in his tone that his frustration at his friend made it difficult, “Ray, you’ve got to… you’ve got to find some sort of closure. You can’t let yourself get stuck in this fucking mess you’re becoming. I mean, you just went through a horrible breakup.”

“We were not in a relationship.”

“Be more of a fucking idiot, I dare you.”There was no malice in Michael’s tone- Ray knew his friend well enough to understand that when Michael was berating him in this tone, especially in a situation like this, it was closer to being endearing than a true insult.

Ray let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and cleared his throat noisily. He moved out of Michael’s hold.

“Well, I’m just going to see if- Geoff probably wants me to- yeah, okay,” he mumbled, making his way out of the pantry-

-and straight into a solid chest.

_Damn, could my day get any worse?_

Ray felt a pair of strong hands come up to hold his arms to balance him upright and prevent him from falling.  “Shit- sorry! Oh my god, I’m a fucking-”

Ray looked up and met the panicked eyes of the one person he swore he would never find himself in such close proximity with ever again.

It was the universe’s doing, no doubt. The universe liked to fuck him over constantly.

Of all the people to bump into, and of all the times that he could possibly bump into him…. how was it possible that it was right then at that moment, that fate, destiny, or whatever forces were present, created this situation, pushing Joel and Ray together (literally)?

Time seemed to freeze on Ray’s part and it took the sharp cough of Michael behind him to shake him awake from his daze. “Yeah, uh, no problem, I’ll just-”

“Yeah, me too,” Joel stammered out, blush creeping up his cheeks as he quickly pulled away his hands off Ray’s arms as if burnt, and brushed past him to head into the pantry.

Ray stopped for a few seconds to catch his breath and swallow down the bubbling tears in his throat, the feeling of self-loathing and an added urge to jump into Joel’s arms, marching into the Achievement Hunter office.

***

“You and I need to talk,” Michael said quietly as he looked Joel dead in the eyes, walking towards him almost menacingly.

In that moment, Joel could understand how the rest of the people in the office were so terrified by the man, even though he was shorter than most.

_He has a fucking scary… aura. I think I might die today._

He prayed silently for his life, nodding slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat as he heard Gavin yell out for Michael to return to the office and watched as the redhead walked out without so much as a goodbye.

He imagined it had taken him every ounce of his self-control not to sweep Ray into his arms in a cliché romantic gesture like in the movies after a big fight. To kiss him right there and then, muttering apologies and confessing like a teenage boy with his first girlfriend (or boyfriend), to have Ray do the same, so they would be together again, and so Ray would be his… would be his… _boyfriend._

But this wasn’t the movies. There was no ditzy, catchy love song in the background and a cut scene to “several months later” where they would get married.

Joel was standing in the middle of the company pantry, stirring his coffee idly as his hands were still tingling from when they grasped Ray’s shoulders tightly, in a gesture so familiar, and suddenly so intimate. His heart ached with a dull throb, one that far surpassed the migraine he had coming on from another night of restlessness, because his mind couldn’t stop racing as worries took over his thoughts once again.

He was going to need a drink tonight, he knew that much.

***

“Let’s stop!”

Ray moved the mic away from his mouth before letting out a loud groan, stretching his arms above his head. Two-hour long Lets Plays were brutal. His eyes flitted over to his phone as he unlocked it to check the time. 5pm. They ended just on time.

The rest of the Achievement Hunters were already pulling off their headphones and engaging in idle chatter as they packed up, so he followed their cue and started to pack up his equipment as well.

His phone vibrated against the tabletop, signalling an incoming message. Ray turned his head so fast he almost got whiplash. The name that popped up on his screen made him raise his eyebrows in surprise and he froze halfway coiling the wires of his headphones.

(2) Text Messages - cute waiter guy cole

He felt his face burning up with what he was sure was an intense blush as he hastily stuffed his headphones into his bag and reached for his phone instead.

(17:15)  
 **Hey, uh, it’s Cole. The guy from the ice cream parlour?**

(17:16)  
 **Free tonight?**

He paused as he read the two messages a second time. He realised he was hesitating to reply, and almost laughed at himself for doing so. What reason did he have to hold back now?

(17:20)  
 _Sure, I’ll meet you at your work place._

 

And that was how Ray found himself asking Kdin for a ride to the ice cream parlour.

The other man didn’t ask any evasive questions, which was what he was appreciative for. He didn’t need any one else prying into his personal affairs at the moment, lest it created more self-doubt at his own actions. Hopping out of the car and turning around briefly to wave goodbye at his co-worker, he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked towards the glass doors.

His… _date_ had apparently spotted him making his way over to the entrance, because he met him outside the door.

The waiter was much more prepared this time, actually making an effort to plan where they were going.

He suggested that they walked to the nearby arcade, and of course, Ray readily agreed. Ray felt a twinge of guilt at how excited and eager his date was, because he couldn’t find it in himself to reciprocate the same level of enthusiasm. However, he caught himself smiling and laughing at times when the other tried to crack jokes, so that was some progress at least.

_Maybe this will work out._

Ray shook his head, willing his mind away from any flitting thoughts of Joel. That was something he needed to work on- getting Joel out of his system, that is.

So he started to make the conscious effort to keep the conversation running, revealing to Cole about his job at Achievement Hunter and going into more detail about how much he enjoyed video games. Video games were always his go-to for when he was nervous.

He knew from their previous date that the waiter did not play video games, but Cole remained attentive, and Ray appreciated that, even if it was feigned interest. It kind of reminded him of when Joel would talk about gold and stocks and he would-

Ray squeezed his eyes shut and nearly smacked himself in the forehead. His thoughts were going into a bad territory again.

However, and he should have seen it coming with how often he used to go over there, Joel’s apartment was en route to the arcade. Ray turned his head to look at the building and was hit with a strange twisting feeling in his stomach. His brain screamed at him to look away, but he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander up to the window that surely belonged to Joel’s apartment…

The apartment was pitch black.

That meant one of two things, Ray thought as he finally turned his head to look away, letting out a small sigh as he looked down at his moving feet. Either Joel was asleep already, or the older man was out drinking somewhere.

Probably hooking up with someone. Someone that wasn’t Ray.

“Are you okay?”

His hurtling, bitter thoughts came to halt at the sound of Cole’s question. He must have noticed the look on Ray’s face; Ray was never too good at hiding his facial expressions anyway. He looked at the other man and gave him a small smile.“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Cole didn’t look too convinced, so Ray decided to make a bold move and pulled his hand out of his pocket to hold the other man’s hand, squeezing his reassuringly.

That was a start to being fine.

***

A few days later, Joel regained the courage to leave his office and enter the pantry again, now less wary of being murdered or even worse, bumping into Ray again.

He heaved a sigh of relief when he managed to make it back to his office, but the minute he turned to close the door, he let out a squeak of surprise.

Joel quickly downed the rest of the beer in his can and backed away quickly, jumping when his back hit the wall faster than anticipated.

The can fell out his grasp as the younger male in front of him took another menacing step towards him, but relaxed when he saw the female companion put an arm around the angry man to hold him back.

“Listen here, Heyman, I don’t have time for your bullshit, alright?” Michael barked out, glaring intensely at the older man.

Somehow, the smaller still struck fear in Joel’s heart, so he quickly glanced over at Lindsay with pleading eyes.

“Okay, Michael, calm down, we can talk it out-”

“No, Lindsay. This guy, right here,” Michael said accusingly, jabbing a finger right in the centre of Joel’s chest, “made my best friend upset and I’m not okay with that. I won’t fucking calm down!”

Lindsay’s words still had some effect despite the vicious words that continued to spill out of Michael’s mouth, and the younger man stepped backwards, away from Joel, which prompted the older man to let out a sigh of relief.

_Looks like I live to see another day._

“I… I respect you as a work superior and whatever,” Michael said, in a much calmer tone this time, now that he had time to think properly about what to say, “but Ray, he… yeah, he got hurt.”

The feeling of guilt and the feeling of indignation twisted and battled in his heart at the mention of Ray’s name and the pain he felt that was apparently parallel to that of the younger man’s.

“It was- it was Ray’s idea… look, we both were agreeable to this, and I don’t see how- how is this my fault?” Joel asked, frowning and squinting at the couple in front of him, half who he was almost sure was about to attack him any second, and the other looking anxious and worried, but would less likely attack him.

Maybe this was a good time to escape? Make a run for it?

He had enough practice playing Outlast with Adam, so this would be no sweat, right?

He knew the path to Burnie’s office and he would definitely make it-

“Yeah, okay, look, so I don’t really know exactly what the fuck you two were doing either, but,” Michael said, biting his lip briefly as he tried to collect his thoughts, “but look, I need to know if you’re planning on hurting him again. The answer better be no.”

_But he hurt me too._

He clenched his fists tightly by his side, fingernails digging into his palm. Maybe the physical pain could ease the aching in his heart.

He heard Lindsay sigh and usher Michael out of Joel’s office, before making her way back to Joel, leaning her hip against his table.

“Michael just means the best for Ray, you know that right?”

Joel didn’t reply. He simply nodded, looking down at his feet.

“His words may have been harsh, but they’re something you need to consider,” she said quietly, turning her gaze to the floor as well. “Ray’s been… he’s been trying to cope. _Trying_. Michael told me that Ray _really liked you a lot_ , and it messed him up pretty badly that you weren’t interested in him other than as a friend.”

Joel’s breath caught in his throat, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

“I don’t know you as well,” she continued, glancing over at Joel almost sheepishly, “but I don’t believe you’re as cruel as that to play Ray’s feelings like that. Just… think about it and try to make some sort of amends. You two still have to work in the same company and see each other around.”

He lifted his head up to catch her smile and reciprocated it weakly, turning to lean his forehead against the wall once she was out of his door.

Joel squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on one thought, filtering the rest of his thoughts away.

Ray liked him.

More than as a friend.

(Did he not know this or was he trying to pretend he couldn’t see it all along?)

That was why… that was why Ray decided to end their relationship.

And Ray thought… He thought...

He thought Joel was pulling him along only for the sex.

Joel thought about heading to the pantry to grab another beer from the fridge to quell his shaky nerves, but he stopped himself once he realised that these were thoughts best dealt sober.

He knew he missed Ray. He felt lonely without the presence of the Puerto Rican by his side, laughing at his dumb jokes and occasional monologuing, and just simply playing video games with him side by side, knees touching, on either of their couches, even having sex.

But it wasn't just the sex, was it?

Because somewhere along the way, the looks between them became that of fondness, and their touches and kisses were tender, gentle, sweet.

Oh my god, why did it take him so long to realize this?

He was in love with Ray Narvaez Jr.

That's why it hurt so much to leave.

That's why it hurt him so much whenever he caught glimpses of the younger man laughing or smiling at other people, people who were not him.

That was why there was a throbbing pain in his heart that accompanied the fluttery feeling in his stomach whenever he looked at Ray.

God, he was dumb.

So so _so_ stupid.

He was so caught up in not being obvious about his feelings for Ray that he failed to see that the other man had liked him back as well.

Or was it because he consciously decided that he didn’t want to see that Ray and him could really be something special together?

He let out a loud sigh into the quiet room, and sat down at his desk slowly. He had to come up with some plan to win Ray back to his side, and he knew it wouldn't be easy.

Joel pulled out his phone and quickly sent out a message to Jack to cancel their outing that night, and twirled his phone in his hands in thought before setting it down on his table and dwelling back to his work.

Tomorrow, he decided, would be a good day to start.

He had a lot of planning to do tonight.

***

It was their _third_ date, and Ray still felt like something was wrong about it.

There seemed to be a twinge of discomfort in his body as he thought about how he and Cole were on a _date_. He knew it wasn’t the waiter’s fault, because the younger man had done his best to make sure that Ray was agreeable to everything they were doing.

Still, Ray thought as he turned his head to glance over at his date, who was sitting beside him on his couch, analysing the controller in his hands, there was something amiss.

The pair had originally planned on going back to the same arcade they went to just a few days ago, but due to some technical faults, the place had to close early for the day, which left them both stranded, until Ray suggested they just went back to his apartment, which was close by.

Ray shifted on the couch, leaning backwards, occasionally glancing over at Cole nervously.

Maybe the reason he felt so uncomfortable about the situation he was in was because the last person that had sat in that seat, and used the same controller that was now in Cole’s hands, was Joel.

That had been what seemed like so recent in Ray’s mind, but he was pretty sure that it happened quite a while ago.

_Time to move on._

It was quite endearing, really, the way the waiter fumbled through the game they were playing and forgot the controls at times. The flustered, stumbling mess that Cole became, stammering out curses every time his character was killed on screen made Ray grin, because it honestly was cute.

Then he blinked and suddenly remembered how Joel got frustrated over a video game one night when it was just them in the quiet of the living room, the only sounds being the clicking of buttons and the muttered curses that flew out of the older man’s mouth, and Ray had to mentally shake himself out of his stupor.

_Fucking move on, Ray._

They managed to play through another hour of the game, and Ray was feeling more and more relaxed, especially since he was right in his element, playing video games. There were more smiles shared between the pair, and even some flirty banter, but Ray knew deep down he still felt like this wasn't right.

Suddenly the game was paused and Ray turned his head, wondering why the other man had decided to do so, and was instead met with Cole slowly moving his head closer to Ray's, going in for a kiss.

Instantly, Ray's mind went to panic mode, and if the waiter had had his eyes open, he would have seen the anxiety shining in Ray's eyes.

Ray found himself gripping onto the couch with one hand, the other still holding firmly onto his controller, his body frozen on the spot.

Was he going to allow the other man to kiss him? Should he reject him? Warning signs were flashing in his mind and he felt a sense of guilt, although he wasn't sure where it stemmed.

The other man' slips were inches away at this point, and Ray could only gape wide eyed at the other man...

Then Ray's phone rang in his pocket.

Ray jumped in his seat, forehead bumping lightly against Cole's, effectively causing the moment to come to an awkward standstill. He turned his head away, the other man doing the same. He shot the waiter an apologetic look, cleared his throat and gestured to his phone.

"I should, uh, I should take this."

He got up shakily from his seat, and walked towards the bathroom, closing the door shut and locking it before answering the call, without even checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"We shouldn't have done it."

_What?_

Ray furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.  "Uh.."

"Nah, fuck that, you shouldn't have left me, Ray. You should have- you should've... You should've stayed."

Ray pulled the phone sway from his ear to look at the screen, and widened his eyes comically large when he saw from the caller ID who it was who was calling him.

"Joel?!" he squeaked as he smacked the phone back to his ear.

"I... fuck, I just miss you a lot, Ray. I need you. And I know you miss me, too."

"Are you drunk? J-Joel..."

"No, I'm not drunk. I haven't had any to drink since this afternoon. Anyway, my point is that you shouldn't be wherever you are right now. You should be with me. Right next to me."

Ray wondered if Joel could hear his heart beating wildly. Was this... was this really happening right now?

"Joel, I'm on... I'm on a _date_."

There was silence on the other end, and Ray could just imagine Joel biting his lip thoughtfully as he tried to string words together to form sentences. "It doesn't matter. No wait- fuck, it kind of does. Well, I, uh- I'm going to win you back, Ray."

Joel said it with so much conviction that it made Ray's mouth dry.

He wasn't even sure if he was possibly just hallucinating this exchange. "What?"

"I just said it! I'm going to win you back."

There was brief silence on either ends of the call as Ray allowed the statement to sink in, and Joel mulled over his own words.

“I know it’s going to be difficult. I wouldn’t let myself off easily either. But I feel like it’s worth it to try, you know? I feel like… _we’re_ worth a shot.”

"Well, uh... good luck?" Ray was still confused by the whole situation, but a huge grin had found its way onto his face and he blushed lightly at the notion of being wooed by Joel.

"Right. Uh, thanks! See you tomorrow."

Ray couldn’t help but giggle, shaking his head as he ended the call, sliding down onto the floor with his phone cradled in his hands.

_Well, that just happened._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cross posted onto tumblr over [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/94340881841/treacherous-08-09).
> 
> (psl I hope you're ready for a 6k word count finale.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _this slope is treacherous / I, I, I like it_

The rest of the night went completely the other way from what Ray had imagined it would just a few hours before. After the phone call with Joel ended, Ray managed to gather enough of his bearings to calm down his rapid heartbeat and the flush in his cheeks.

He quickly went back to Cole, apologised and admitted that he didn’t feel quite right stringing him along when Ray had no intention from moving on from his… ex.

The word, or rather, syllable, still didn’t sound right rolling off Ray’s tongue, but Joel’s words and his promise rang in his head as he dug his nails into his own palm to prevent himself from expressing some sort of extreme emotion, whether it be joy or just plain panic.

Cole, surprisingly, understood and left quietly.

Ray figured the lack of reluctance, the lack of fight, was because there wasn’t a spark between them at all. There was a difference between physical attraction and emotional attraction, and while the former was probably important on a shallow level, no relationship could work out without the latter.

Ray was like that to Joel once. Unable to distinguish between the two and ending up tangled between his own head and heart. However, after his whole ordeal with Joel, the kind lectures (if he were to use the descriptor loosely) from Michael and that last phone call from Joel where he poured his soul out in a matter of a few stuttered sentences.

It was an unconventional kind of confession, Ray mused as he plopped himself back onto his couch in his now empty apartment, lying across the seats with an arm propped behind his head, but they were an unconventional pair anyway.

Ray could feel a smile creep onto his face as he thought about the phone call. He really shouldn’t be this excited, especially if there was still a chance of disappointment and failure. He forced himself to keep a straight face. He had to be rational about this. He _did_ get his heart broken, even if it was partly his own doing. He shouldn’t be so eager to run back into Joel’s arms.

But if Joel wanted to win him back, he would allow him have the opportunity to do so.

“If Joel doesn’t keep his word or screws up, I’m probably gonna have to leave RoosterTeeth altogether.” he mumbled to the darkness.

Enough of pessimistic thoughts, he decided, turning to his side and curling upon himself. He couldn’t wait to see what Joel would pull out of his sleeve and he would just have to experience it to believe it.

***

Joel gripped the plastic in his hands tightly, the crinkling sound muffled by the noises made by the vehicles that drove by. So far, only Matt’s car had passed him by, and the man had only slowed down to give Joel a strange look before driving into the lot, probably passing it off as one of Joel’s tendencies to do odd and dramatic things.

He had to keep an alert eye out. He hadn’t taken note of what Kerry’s car looked like and he really should have, but he had checked to make sure Ray and Kerry were both not in the office yet, so they should be coming to work anytime soon right?

He looked down briefly to check the time on his watch. 8.58am. It was almost time for work already, and they were going to be late at this rate. Joel was also starting to sweat under the glaring morning sun in his oversized hoodie.

Why did he think wearing this out was a good idea again?

Joel tapped his foot anxiously against the sidewalk, turning his head sharply when he saw from his peripheral, a car slowing down next to him. He blinked rapidly, sweating from his palms and gripping the plastic in it tighter as the passenger side window rolled down.

“Joel?” Ray asked, his hand gripping against the edge of the now open window as he turned his body to face Joel.

Kerry was snickering softly in the background, unaware of their situation, but still amused by the sight of his work superior standing on the side of the road just outside their office, in a thick hoodie and holding a bouquet of flowers in his hands, on a Monday morning nonetheless.

Joel imagined he must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“I uh… here,” Joel said, thrusting the bouquet in his hands forwards towards Ray, receiving a surprised giggle in response.

Ray’s vision was immediately assaulted by a mass of brilliant yellow; one of the flowers jutted out and tickled his nose, making him squirm a little.

“Sunflowers? Really?”

Joel moved the flowers aside so that he could look Ray in the eyes.

 He squinted a little as he tried to scrutinize Ray’s expression. “Were you- do you not like sunflowers?”

Ray shook his head and gave a sideways grin. “Nah, I was just expecting, you know, roses.” Kerry was making a show of nudging Ray with his elbow, which prompted the Puerto Rican to swat his arm away.

“Roses are, you know, incredibly cliché. Especially for you.”

“... Well, you got me there-”

“So, uh, nope! No roses.” Joel said, pushing the bouquet of flowers in Ray’s face again.

Joel loosened his grip on the plastic wrapping when he felt Ray’s hand brush his to take the bouquet.

He watched as the younger man placed it in his lap; his face flushing as Ray grinned back at him.

“... Thanks. So, uh,” Ray said, leaning his whole body out the window so that Kerry wouldn’t overhear the next part of their conversation, “is the whole wooing part over?”

Joel tilted his head and scratched the back of his neck. “Not exactly… I mean, I have a whole plan and everything! Don’t skip the steps. They’re like... like cut scenes you can’t skip.”

Ray rolled his eyes, and pulled his lips into a mock frown.

“Alright, then I won’t let you off so easily,” he teased, pointing a finger at Joel as he leaned back into the car and rolled up the window.

Joel watched as the pair drove into the lot and slowly made his way to the office as well, pulling out his phone to send a few quick text messages out.

(09:05)  
 _By the way, sunflowers mean adoration._

(09:06)  
 _at least, according to this website I was on._

He grinned as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, breathing slowing to a more even pace.

***

Ray stretched his arms behind his head, heaving a sigh of relief as he managed to salvage the achievement guide he worked on the previous week, the video having gotten corrupted in the transfer. He emailed it out to the company’s uploads manager and leaned back in his chair, eyes darting towards the door and back at his screen.

Gavin had promised to bring him some lunch since he had chosen to spend his lunch break working on the video to meet the deadline. He was slightly disappointed that Joel hadn’t seized the prime opportunity to take him out for lunch. It was probably not in his “plans” or whatever, Ray mused, shrugging.

The sunflowers were a sweet gesture though.

“Dammit, Ray, why the bloody hell are you getting so many flowers today? Kara just passed me this on my way in.”

Ray grinned widely, swivelling his chair to face the door, propping his feet up the arms of Michael’s vacant chair. “Sensing a lot of vinegar from you, Gavin.”

The British man pouted at him and dropped a burger on his desk, along with a flower stalk, this time a yellow chrysanthemum.

“I thought the fans usually only send you roses? Did I miss a memo about yellow flowers?”

Ray moved the burger aside to reach for the flower and cradle it in his hands. “Yeah, today is ‘Give Ray Yellow Flowers Day’. I’m really, _really_ hurt I don’t have anything from you, Gavin.”

Gavin grinned. “Oh, piss off,” he jibed, shaking his head.

Ray chuckled and looked down at the flower lying on his palm. It was a much softer shade of yellow than the sunflowers he had gotten that morning. He looked up briefly at the sunflowers sitting beside his desktop monitor and then back down at the chrysanthemum. There was a small white card tied together with the flower, and he opened it up with no hesitation.

_Yellow Chrysanthemums mean a secret admirer. But I guess it’s not so secret, huh, kid?_

Ray carefully placed the flower together with the bouquet from that morning and brought his hands up to his face to cup his reddening cheeks.

Who knew Joel Heyman was secretly a romantic?

Ray spent the rest of his day being mercilessly teased by the rest of the guys once they caught sight of the display of flowers on his desk. Michael had given him a curious look, but Ray smiled reassuringly to him and that seemed to calm him down.

At 5pm, the rest of the guys decided to go for a Monday night drinking session.

After packing his stuff and bidding the rest of his friends goodbye as they left the office, Ray wandered around the office looking for a ride home. Kerry’s car was still in the lot, so he had to be somewhere in the office, probably working on some writing for RWBY.

“Ray!”

The Puerto Rican raised his eyebrows and turned his head to locate the source of the voice that called him. He smiled when he was met with Joel, walking towards him with a stride of confidence that Ray honestly found very attractive.

_Damn it, I’m turning into a teenager with raging hormones._

He hadn’t been wooed like this at all in his entire life.

“I, uh, I got your flower,” Ray said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his shorts, “I really- Thanks, they made everyone else in the office really jealous.”

Joel shrugged, and opened his mouth to say something, but he balked and started walking backwards with no explanation, running to his office and yelling, “stay there!” Ray waited patiently, and Joel reappeared a few minutes later, making his way towards Ray with something heavy hidden behind his back.

Ray shifted his weight to see if he could peek around and find out what Joel was hiding in his hands, but the older man shifted so that he couldn’t.

“I’d like to uh, properly ask you out for dinner tonight. We can go wherever you like. Or if you don’t mind, there’s this nice Italian place- or like, if you still feel uncomfortable I could just send you home? I uh… here,” Joel said, stumbling over his words as he brought the gift in front of him to pass to Ray.

It was a small ceramic brown pot with three stalks of purple hyacinths in it.

“Uh, wow,” Ray said, dumbfounded. He really wasn’t expecting more flowers, so he couldn’t help but gape as he held the gift in his own hands.

“Is it… is it too much? Is it overkill? I, uh, I just thought that, you know, flowers are like the trad-traditional courting tools and you’d like the meanings behind flowers and stuff, and I found it pretty cool anyway, but now I realise maybe you don’t like them? Do you? I hope you-”

Ray nodded and grinned, hugging the flowerpot with one arm, his other hand reaching out to squeeze Joel’s shoulder reassuringly.

“I love the flowers.”

Joel heaved a sigh of relief, Ray’s statement seemingly shutting him up for the time being. The silence wore on as they both stood in front of the other with bashful expressions.

Ray should have given Joel a hard time to be fair, but his heart was winning over his head and he found himself enjoying being showered with adoration. Maybe this whole affair wouldn’t turn out so bad after all.

“... Uh, so, uh, were you offering dinner?”

Joel blinked rapidly, swallowing the lump of nervousness in his throat that had suddenly risen up. “Yeah, I did! I did that.”

Ray shrugged, looking down at the flowers in his hands as he mumbled, “Well, I’ll never say no to free food” and scurried back to the Achievement Hunter office to grab his things.

Making the quick decision to leave the hyacinths on his desk while he brought the other flowers home, he met Joel at the entrance of the office, the other man stuffing his phone into the pockets of his pants once he realised that Ray was standing in front of him expectantly.

“Right, let’s go.”

***

Joel’s hands shook a little as he held the menu in his hands. It wasn’t like this was his first time out to a dinner with Ray alone, or his first time on a date in any manner, but he still couldn’t shake off his nerves.

This felt like the first time any of those dinners meant anything real and significant. It was the first time he could express his feelings for Ray unabashedly, without hiding behind the facade of not caring. It was also the first time in a long while that he was with someone that meant something really special to him, and he was getting nervous about screwing up his own plans.

The fluttering in his chest ceased to stop as Ray continued to smile at small things during the dinner, like how Joel offered to relay his orders to the waiter, and how he had decided to forgo the alcohol for the evening. He ordered two Cokes for the both of them, in a gesture that he hoped Ray found sweet.

He knew he had a lot of apologising and making up to do.

Joel wet his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth as he watched his date for any sort of reaction or opening to a conversation.

Ray must have noticed, because the younger man had gone from humming along to the ambience music of the small restaurant, to looking Joel in the eyes and blinking owlishly at him in surprise. “So, uh, what did the hyacinths mean?”

“What?”

“I mean, for the first two flowers you seemed to emphasise on their meanings and you haven’t told me what the hyacinths mean.”

“Oh!” Joel chuckled, wringing his hands in his lap to hide his nervousness, “S- Sincerity.”

Ray made a small noise of approval, opening his mouth to speak, but was stopped by their food being served in front of them.

They ate in silence, Joel attempting to sum up the courage to deliver his planned words to Ray as he continued to scoop pasta into his mouth. The younger man didn’t seem to mind much, oddly engrossed in his own meal, though Joel thought he caught a resigned sigh come from his date which made him panic just a little bit.

Just a tiny bit.

It was only after they had both finished their meals and were waiting for their waiter to clear their table that Joel decided to speak. At this point Ray had abandoned all eye contact with him, looking down on his lap as he wiped at his mouth.

_God damn it, Joel, do something before you fuck this all up for good._

“So, uh, the hyacinths.”

Ray raised his head, looking almost hesitantly at Joel as he finally heard the older man speak up. “Yeah, I know, you told me what they meant.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think you understand, uh, what _I_ mean.”

Ray tilted his head to the side in confusion, prompting Joel to continue.

“Hyacinths mean sincerity and it represents how sincere _I_ am in wanting to have you back in my life. These few weeks have been absolute shit, Ray, without you smiling at me when we meet, having dumb conversations about video games, life and the only few sports we both give a fuck about.”

Ray breathed in sharply, hand reaching across the table to place on top of the other’s. “Joel-”

“And I had this whole wonderful speech planned for dinner, about how people make mistakes and how letting you go- walking out your bedroom door that night without a word was the worst mistake in my life. It still is, but I don’t think anything is as sincere as the words that come to me right as I- we are sitting here. I fucked up, Ray, I did. I know I did. And maybe you did too, but it doesn’t- okay, maybe it matters, but believe me when I say I sincerely- how much can I overuse that word do you think? Fuck- I sincerely want you back in my life.”

Joel felt Ray’s hand squeezing his reassuringly, which made Joel grimace, swallowing down the lump in his throat as he continued.

“I don’t expect a miracle, though it would be really nice to have one. So, I don’t expect you to run back into my arms even though I feel like my heart can be full again if you do. But I hope you can at least forgive me and- Just forgive me, I don’t expect much else from tonight.”

Joel exhaled loudly, looking down at their intertwined fingers on the table. His face and neck burned and his heart was in his ears. He lifted his free hand to touch his cheeks and _oh my god_ , at what point did he start crying?

“... You didn’t overuse the word.”

Trust Ray to try and lighten the mood. Joel slowly looked up to meet Ray’s gaze and found that the other man had a light blush dusting his cheeks, his mouth hanging agape like he was in awe of what Joel had just said.

“So does that mean-”

“Yeah, I forgive you, Joel.”

Joel let out a sigh of relief and sank back into his chair, finding himself smiling back at Ray, a huge weight off his shoulders. He could still feel guilt swimming in his stomach, but this was a good start, Ray was at least able to acknowledge his apology, and that made him feel oddly _free_.

“And I guess that’s good time if anything to say I’m sorry too. I don’t apologise for many things, because sometimes I’m an asshole who just thinks, ‘eh, fuck everything’, but I wasn’t honest with you that night in the office, and I’m sorry for what I said. I… I ran away because I was scared, and I didn’t think- didn’t think about you and how you would feel and I’m sorry. I was so dumb, so stupid, I thought that- I thought that I could fix everything by running away, and I feel like… it hurt both of us in the process. I’m sorry.”

It was a brief apology, but it was enough for Joel because he knew Ray wasn’t one for eloquent speeches and superfluous words.

In those simple few sentences, Ray had laid down his heart and bared his soul to Joel, and those words coming out of Ray’s mouth couldn’t be more tragically beautiful to Joel’s ears.

Joel simply replied with an “okay”, squeezing Ray’s hand gently.

Their hands remained clasped with each other’s as they paid the bill and headed to Joel’s car, only separating when Joel had to use both of his hands to hold onto the steering wheel to send Ray home.

“Thanks for dinner… and thanks for the flowers,” Ray said quietly and before Joel even had the chance to reply, Ray quickly leaned over the dashboard to plant a kiss on Joel’s cheek.

“I, uh, yeah, I’m glad you had a great time.” Joel said, feeling his cheek burn from where Ray’s lips had touched it a few seconds before, “But don’t think this is the end of my winning-you-back plan though,” he teased.

“Oh, it’s not? Huh. We’ll see if the rest of your ‘plan’ goes as smoothly then.” Ray said, smiling widely as he exited the car, flowers in his hands.

Joel waited until Ray was inside the building before pulling away from the parking lot.

“Yeah, I sure do hope so, kid.”

***

That was all Joel could think about after he had received the phone call.

_Just- fuck._

He buried his head into his hands, leaning forward until his forehead hit his desk with a dull thunk, having planned to stay in that position if it weren’t for Michael walking into his office a few minutes later.

“Yo, Joel, I heard you took Ray out for dinner- What the… are you okay?”

Joel turned his head to the side and mouthed, “No.”

Michael simply raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms at the sight. “What happened? I thought the dinner went well? At least… on Ray’s end…” he said, voice faltering at the end. Joel jumped up from his chair and grabbed Michael’s arm.

“No, no, no! I’m not, like, thinking about giving up or anything, it’s just- the flowers… The florist was supposed to send in more flowers for Ray this morning, but something happened with the delivery guy and now I don’t have the flowers. Everything is ruined,” Joel whined, sitting up and crossing his arms with a huff.

He knew he was acting like a child, really, but he had planned for everything to go perfectly smoothly and coupled with how nervous he was about screwing up and losing Ray for good he thought he was allowed to be, especially after the expectations that the previous night gave, he felt weak and helpless.

Michael rolled his eyes, sighing loudly as he looked Joel in the eyes.

“Joel, really? If you really want to be with Ray, do _something_ about it, god damn it. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you didn’t?”

That was harsh, but true. Michael’s words definitely stung a little bit as he remembered all the heartache he faced when he let himself walk out of Ray’s apartment and almost effectively, out of his life, but his words seemed to boost some motivation into him and he immediately got out of his seat, bringing Michael in for a side-hug with a grin.

“Thanks, Michael; you’re cool when you’re not scary.”

The redhead laughed, shaking his head as he left Joel to busy himself with making up for the delivery failure.

A little under half an hour later, Joel found himself pacing in front of the Achievement Hunter office door, giving himself a brief pep talk, before opening the door slowly.

He didn’t know how he could have missed all the shouting.

Michael was recording a Rage Quit and while Geoff, Jack and Ryan had unanimously decided to leave the room so that they could do more productive things without getting distracted by the constant yelling coming from one irate redhead, the younger Achievement Hunters had decided to stay in and huddle around Michael’s desk. Making sure to give him the adequate breathing and venting space, of course.

Gavin was the first one to notice him, Ray being too amused by Michael’s commentary to look up. Gavin raised his eyebrows at the man, motioning him to step further into the room and close the door so that Michael’s wrath would not extend to the rest of the office, Joel obliging.

Joel quickly stepped over to stand behind Ray’s chair, tapping the younger man on the shoulder, allowing Ray to turn around, a surprised look on the younger’s face, before presenting him with his ‘flowers’: a cut out paper print of pansies.

It was slightly embarrassing, and it made Ray’s forehead crease in confusion, that is, until he read Joel’s caption.

_~~sorry for~~ _

_~~so something~~ _

_sorry about the poor craftsmanship on this card (so much for all the art classes in preschool, am I right?) and I assure you I have a legitimate reason why these aren’t real flowers (but I won’t say what it is because you’ll laugh and call me names :( ) ~~so here are~~  So yeah, imagine I didn’t screw up, and you have a bouquet of pansies in your hands._

_They mean “loving thoughts”, and that’s kind of self-explanatory I guess?_

_~~I lo~~ _ _I have all these love-y thoughts when I’m around you ~~and I~~_

_I hope you love these “flowers”, and I hope you’ll love like every ridiculous, poorly put together part of me as well._

_~~Sin~~ _

_~~Yours~~ _

_~~Sinc~~ _

_Fuck it._

_ Love, _

 

He waited until Ray was finished with reading the note, wringing his hands nervously behind his back. Michael was still engrossed with the game, and Gavin somehow could sense that this was a rather “private” moment, so he kept his focus on Michael’s gameplay, only looking over at the other pair in the room a few times in an attempted discrete manner.

Ray turned around in his chair, hand reaching out to grab Joel’s arm to pull the older man out of the room for some actual privacy.

Joel could almost hear his inner “devil” laugh at him, expecting the worst out of the situation, feeding him with assumptions that Joel’s attempt to fix his problem would fail because Ray would be so, so, _so_ disappointed in him.

His inner “angel” whispered comforting words, but Joel only felt little effect. The two voices in his head arguing were giving him a headache, and he felt almost thoroughly annoyed, until he realised that he was annoyed with _his own_ subconscious.

_Brain, shut up._

Ray closed the door behind him quietly, turning his head side to side to check to see if anyone was around, before planting a kiss on Joel’s cheek.“Thanks.”

Joel’s eyes widened and he felt his clenched hands loosen from each other, falling limply to his sides. A smile crept its way onto his face, and he realised that the expression on Ray’s face mirrored his.

_Oh, thank god._

Ray burst out into laughter, and Joel realised he must have accidentally said that aloud, he was about to say something witty and smooth, but was interrupted by a sharp cough behind him.

He nearly jumped at the noise, turning around quickly to see Geoff leaning against the wall, beer in hand and a wide smirk on his face.

“If you two lovebirds could step aside so that I can get back to my actual work, that would be great, thank you.”

Both Joel and Ray wore matching blushes on their faces as they shuffled aside to let him through.

Once he heard the door close again, Joel cleared his throat and spoke up. “I’m, uh, really glad you like them.”

“I have certain standards, but, eh, I’ll pretend these are real flowers for your sake.”

“... Oh my god, you actually hate them, don’t you? You see, the deliver-”

“Joel!” Ray’s arm shot out again to squeeze Joel’s arm, “I was joking. They’re great, really. It’s the thought that counts or something right?”

Joel laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck as he ducked his head. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll, uh, see you later?”

“I have, uh- I’m going to be on the podcast later.”

“Oh… uh, I’m going to be on the podcast too. Do you want to… I don’t know, uh… grab some dinner-”

“Yes.”

Joel couldn’t even suppress his grin at how quickly the younger man had responded.

“Yeah, uh… cool. See you later.”

He watched Ray give a tiny wave before walking back into the office, waiting for the door to click shut before bounding towards his office.

Kerry who passed him by while he was bouncing around excitedly gave him a strange look, but it didn’t matter.

Everything was going great.

***

Ray fiddled with the attached microphone, getting a slap on the hand from Kara who was still trying to put some light makeup on him.

Podcasts were tiring work and he didn’t like being on camera that much, but everyone else seemed to be busy with one thing or another and Ray felt bad for having to make someone else take his place in the podcast crew for the week’s podcast, especially since he was long overdue to be on one.

Barbara settled into the couch, taking her place on his left and grinned, giving him a thumbs-up as an encouragement. Ray grinned back at her and happened to turn his head towards the door at the exact moment that Joel walked in.

A light blush formed on his cheeks as he thought about the afternoon, where Joel had snuck into the office to pass him the card. It was, in all honesty, poorly constructed, but Joel must have been sincere enough to even attempt at making one in the first place.

Ray didn’t need anything flowery (ha!) or extravagant to be wooed over; he found himself charmed by the very idea that the flowers Joel had chosen and given to him had special meanings behind them.

The amount of thought and effort Joel put into this made his heart flutter at the very thought of it.

Joel sat on the armchair next to Barbara, angling his body such that he could look at Ray, which was actually a rather awkward angle. Ray’s eyes trailed to the bottle that Joel was holding onto casually, and was surprised to find out it wasn’t liquor.

The glint in Joel’s eye when Ray looked back up made him squirm a little bit in his seat, because it seemed to imply that Joel was sober for a reason tonight, and that reason was him. Ray ducked his head and looked away, just in time for the production assistant to start the countdown for the podcast to begin.

Nearly half an hour later, while Joel was going on a spiel about something that happened when he was in college, Ray caught some frantic movement from the corner of his eyes.

He glanced away from Joel’s flailing hands to squint at Kara’s small figure bouncing around with a bouquet of tulips in one hand, and a large sign that read ProFlower’s website in the other. Joel’s story came to a sudden pause as Barbara caught sight of Kara too, and started laughing, Gus shaking his head as he followed.

Ray continued to gape at the bouquet of flowers, his vision zeroed in onto the different colours and-

_No way._

He could feel his heart pounding in his ears as he turned slowly (and hopefully, discreetly) to look at Joel, who had the smuggest grin on his face.

Ray turned back quickly to look back at Kara who decided to approach the set and passed Gus the bouquet of flowers, together with the sign.

“Wow, Gus, are our sponsors not happy with the way you’re reading the advertisements?” Barbara said in between laughs, reaching for the sign so that she could wave it around for the camera.

“I have no clue, but this is fucking funny- what actual fuck?” Gus replied, inspecting the flowers. “I guess this is a good time than anything to go to our sponsors!”

“Yeah, Gus, show them your true _Pro_ -wess. Eh?”

Gus shook his head while the other two groaned at the pun, before Gus started to read the usual script for the segment. He passed the tulips over to Ray casually for him to hold it. Ray could feel his palms sweat as he lightly poked around the bouquet to find a small card that read, “For Ray”.

Ray hid his face behind the flowers, hiding his face, which was darkening rapidly with an intense blush, waving it left and right slightly such that it would look like he was just fooling around with the advertisement like Barbara was doing next to him.

It took him a while to get his breathing back to a normal pace, to calm down his heartbeat, but when Gus finished reciting the ad and motioned for Joel to continue with his story, Ray was forced to lower the flowers onto his lap, and he was sure his cheeks were still burning.

“I want the white one.” Barbara whispered, reaching out unabashedly for the flower.

Ray’s hand shot out to lightly smack it away, and he hugged the bouquet closer to his chest.

“No, _mine_.”

Barbara pouted, declaring with a high-pitched voice that “Ray doesn’t know how to share!” which caught both Gus and Joel’s attention.

“Ray sure seems really attached to the flowers,” Gus remarked.

Ray looked pointedly away from any of their gazes, choosing to direct his eyes towards the flowers instead. “Yeah, well, I’m the rose guy- the flower guy, so… and it’s about time Barbara truly knew who the hottest girl in the company is, uh, me?” he teased, relieved when Barbara laughed along, accepting it.

Joel smiled, and spoke up in a clear, confident voice.

“Do you know what the tulips mean?”

Ray’s head shot up, eyes widening at Joel’s question. _Oh my god, are you going to- please don’t-_

“And what would _you_ know about flowers, Joel?” Gus asked casually, taking a sip from his beer.

Barbara spoke up before Joel had a chance to answer. “Joel knows all the weird things, doesn’t he?”

“Hey, I read up on like… general knowledge!” Joel said, leaning forward in his chair, “Anyway, the flowers,” he continued, looking at Barbara, Gus, and at the camera, “the tulips they mean uh… well, white is for forgiveness and yellow…”

His voice trailed off as he took a deep breath, and then looked Ray in the eyes.

“Yellow means I’m hopelessly in love.”

***

When the podcast came to an end, everyone started packing up and leaving.

Joel noticed slightly too late that Ray had left the studio without him. Quickly excusing himself, he ran, and managed to catch Ray walking across the parking lot just as he stepped out of the building.

“Ray!”

The younger man stopped and turned around to look at Joel, an unreadable look on his face. In his hands, clutched tightly to his chest, was the bouquet of tulips.

Joel took quick strides towards the younger man, stopping just a few steps away from the younger man. He breathed in the cool night air, and exhaled slowly, watching Ray for any sort of reaction.

“Why did you- why did you walk away so quickly?”

The younger man shifted his body, straightening his back. “I, uh, wanted to get these flowers to water quicker so they wouldn’t wilt?”

Joel could tell that Ray was telling a half-truth, so he motioned for him to continue, biting his lower lip in anticipation.

“... and I just… feel really overwhelmed right now, and I just- I was running away.”

Joel exhaled sharply, feeling a lump form in his throat at Ray’s words. “Oh. I- oh. Uh, do you want me to leave? I’m sorry, I-”

Ray cleared his throat and shook his head, looking down at his feet. “Nah, I just, I needed some air to think- uh, I mean, I needed some air and some space to think.”

Joel couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at Ray’s fumbling of words, and it seemed to ease the tension a little. He looked back at the office building, and apparently, the rest were still packing up, because it seemed like no one else had left the building.

It was just them in an empty parking lot the cool night breeze around them. This was the stuff of movies.

“The tulips… the hyacinths, the pansies… did you really mean all that you said?”

Joel nodded quickly. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but he felt like it was unnecessary. From Ray’s tone, he could tell that Ray was probably just looking for some reassurance.

“There’s still- there’s one more flower I’ve yet to give to you,” Joel said quietly.

Ray tilted his head to the side, nodding to encourage him. With shaking fingers, Joel reached inside his hoodie and slowly pulled out a stalk.

A red rose.

Ray let out an involuntary laugh upon seeing the rose. After calming down, he grinned as he teased, “I thought you said you weren’t going to give me roses? That roses were cliché?”

Joel held the rose in one hand, the other coming up to stroke the petals gently.

“Yeah, yeah I did. I lied.”

The smile on Ray’s face dropped, and his breathing seemed to quicken at those words.

The word “lie” reminded him, reminded _both of them_ , of too many bad things between them. Joel could see a flicker of hesitance and possibly doubt in Ray’s eyes, and Joel honestly couldn’t blame him.

They had both played a terrible game of lies, lying both to their own selves and to each other, and it only brought them hurt in the end.

_But_ , Joel reminded himself, _now I have the change to fix that_.

“That’s the… that’s the last time I’ll ever lie to you, Ray.”

Joel used his free hand to bring Ray’s hands up to clasp them tightly with the dethorned flower, in front of their faces. He took a deep breath in, and looked earnestly into Ray’s eyes.

“For the past few months, we’ve been lying to each other a lot, haven’t we? I know I have, and I can tell you it feels absolutely awful to. It feels like shit when I have to lie to myself, that I don’t feel anything more than physical attraction towards you, that I want nothing more from you than sex. But all our meetings weren’t just about the sex, Ray. Along the way I realized that I no longer believe that I will never be able to find someone for me, because I’m pretty damn sure that person for me is you. And I want to be the person for you too. I… You made me more relaxed, made me feel so much younger, made me so much happier, and made me believe I could love and be loved as well. And I… I just really want you to be my… be my _boyfriend_.”

Joel took a deep breath in, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment, before continuing.

“I promise you, Ray, that I’ll never lie to you again. Because I never want to ever again. I don’t want to lie to myself that I can deal with life without you. I don’t want to lie to others when I tell them that there’s no one that knows how to brighten my world even better than the sun. I don’t want to lie to you that I’m not possibly falling in love with you. But I have one condition…”

Ray’s eyes were glistening by the end of Joel’s confession, tears running tracks down his cheeks as he smiled impossibly bright in a way that made Joel’s stomach do flip-flops.“Y-yeah?”

“Promise me that you’ll never lie to me ever again either.”

Ray let out a shaky breath of laughter, nodding as he leaned up to kiss Joel on the lips.

It was chaste and sweet, yet somewhat intimate, and Joel sighed as they parted for air. He had missed the way Ray’s lips felt against his, how he tasted. But more importantly now, his heart was soaring at the mere idea that this beautiful man in front of him was willing to be with him, honest and true, and man, was Joel going to make sure to care for him and be there for him the best way he could.

They wore matching grins as they leaned against each other, foreheads pressed against one another’s, breaths mixing in the cold night air.

“Yeah,” Ray said quietly, but loud enough for Joel to listen and remember, “I promise I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted to tumblr [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/post/95555491331/treacherous-09-09-finale). Thanks for being such lovely readers and leaving kudos, comments and bookmarks! <3 I have a long thank you note [here](http://ahwuu.tumblr.com/treacherousfic-an) if you want to read it. <3  
> Thank you, so _so_ much. :)


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